A few thoughts on love, and maybe a story...

An internet friend, CrazyGirl, was talking about her current relationship, and it made me do some reflection myself. She was talking about true love, the 'meant to be' stuff, all that. Now, I don't buy that people are destined or fated or anything like that, and the little story I'll tell is why, but we'll get to that in a minute. I fully believe that people come into and go out of your life for different reasons. To learn things, to tell you things, all that bit.

Soulmates was a word that has been brought up in my past a couple times. At a couple points in time, I believed in it. The whole shebang, twin flame, only one for you, only one that could truly make you happy, blase blase bullshit, right? Well, I have been burned not once, but twice.. on the whole 'soulmates' bit. The first was a friend in high school who was so hung up on me(he's Scout's godfather, actually), that he took about 2 years talking me into believing we were 'soulmates' and needed to be together. Don't get me wrong this guy was a great guy, hell, he was one of my best friends. But for the life of me, I couldn't make myself see him as anything other than a friend/brother. For the sake of the person I loved so much as a friend, I tried to believe him. But in the end, I just couldn't agree that we were meant to be, all that. So, I lost my best friend in the whole ordeal.

The second one was Other. I knew from minute one that my life was going to be different from knowing this man. Yea. Different is a good word for that. I met Other at work. According to him, Other took a liking to me from the beginning. Told me he'd seen me in a dream about 6 months prior and that he knew I was going to be someone significant in his life. I should have ended the whole conversation then and run like hell. At the time, I was engaged to marry Ziggy. Dumbass me fell in love with Other. he passionate Romeo and Juliet, can't breathe in their presence type of thing. My emotions ran from one extreme to the other with this man. I was either high on the fact I loved him, or totally ready to scratch his eyes out for pissing me off. If you've read anything else I've posted about Other, you'll know that he and I have had a most rocky relationship. And I'll leave it at that as to background on my relationship with Other. Long story short, I was asked to choose between the two men, Ziggy and Other. It's alwasy been said that every girl has her 'bad boy'. Other was mine. The differences between Other and Ziggy are night and day. Literally. Even to appearance. Other is tall, dark hair, dark eyes, Elvis-esque looks, larger than life. Ziggy is the blonde haired, blue eyed baseball jock that is every woman's friend, but was never the boyfriend. The boy next door, essentially. And I had to choose between the two. Now, Ziggy and I had a great thing going, and for some reason I still can't explain, I tossed it aside one night and decided on Other. The day after Christmas, if I recall right. Weirdest week of my life. Here I was, thinking on the one hand that I'd done the right thing. Gave up a decent, loving man for the person that I was 'destined' for before I was ever born. And on the other hand, I had a HUGE hole in me that nothing but Ziggy could fill. I was lost without my best friend. Only one thing to be done-get rid of Other and ask Ziggy if we could get back together and go on like we'd planned. So, I did. And by some miracle that I still thank God for to this day, Ziggy came back to me.

Now, to make sense of that mess, here's what I couldn't get straight in my head about Other being my soulmate. Everything with Other was a fight, for the most part. Getting him to talk to me past the mundane small talk, deciding to be together for that one week, anything and everything was like pulling teeth with that man. We fought CONSTANTLY. I couldn't understand why Fate(or who/whatever decides that folks are 'meant' or whatnot) would bring two people together, and then make it so damned hard to be even the basics of friends. That's just cruel in my book. Also, if there's only one for me, then why would Ziggy and I fall in love, get married, have our life together just as well as if it was Other instead? I see too many loopholes in the whole 'soulmate' gig. More than I want to mention. But I'm sure you get the idea.

Now, yes, I believe that some people just 'get' other people really well. Chemistry, intuition, whatever you want to call it. But I don't believe in soulmates. Fate, maybe. But not soulmates. Not when your whole relationship with the one that's supposedly your soulmate does nothing but bring pain and sadness to you. I can't believe that Fate, or God, or who/whatever would be that cruel to people.

So yes, I had that massively passionate on fire love in my life once. But you know, normal love, based on a solid friendship, is what will last for my lifetime as the person I make my life with. And that was Ziggy. And I wouldn't change it now for all the world.