I just need to vent

Oh where to start? I don't write much on here anymore, I think the blogging craze has died down. But when I need to vent, this is a good place for it.

There are times when I think I should've stayed in the U.S. Not because of the people in the UK, or antying like that, but because of you. We were fine until I went to Iraq. Then you left. Then we had a baby. Then you pretty well walked away from me emotionally. sexually, you turned into a prude. I told you repeatedly what I needed, and you blew me off. SO I got what I needed, and you got upset. You're running around behind my back trying to ruin whomever I talk to, and I can't imagine why. You think something was stolen from you, and yet you can't tell ME about it. No, you'd prefer to tell anyone else but me about it, though I am the one it concerns. What's that saying? You haven't got the balls to talk to me first about anything, you just run off and do your own thing, like you are all that matters. So what, I got pictures? WHat does it matter? You don't send me pictures. Why drag work into things? I sent you pictures. When will you realize that I am trying to get you to do the same things?

Now when I try to tell you how I feel, you give me this blank look, and you don't say anything back to me except Awww. Don't you know how hard it is for me to tell you how I feel? I wasn't raised to express feelings like that, and only until you came along could I do it and feel comfortable. And now you blow me off. How's that supposed to make me feel? Now I just feel like I'm being left behind, trailed along because I have the kids, like an afterthought.

Who else are you going to attack for sending me pictures? I mean why limit it to one, right? It smacks of Bobby, to be honest. I am unimpressed. Just run off everyone and I'm only yours, right? You're running me off from you, in case you haven't noticed. You don't take hints well, and tell things to you bluntly seems to upset you further, so what am I supposed to do? I get blamed for everything you don't get to do, and I'm sick of it. You don't want me going out to a club, then by damn you don't need to go do it. Fair's fair, right? You spend most of your time keeping up with the guys from work anyways, the games, all that. It doesn't make a damned bit of difference.

Happenings

My car is here, YAY!!! I took the little people to Asda yesterday (English version of Wal Mart), just to see what was to be seen. Cheaper than shopping on the rest of the economy, I'll say.

Now, I don't proclaim to be the perfect or ideal wife. Far from it. I admit to having been part of the "harem" of a friend of mine. But I can say with all honesty that I am glad those days are over. The friend is still a friend, and better off that way. Part of me thinks that ultimately, that friend wants his past to be known by the one closest to him. Why? Perhaps it is to breathe easier, knowing that things don't have to be hidden anymore. Or maybe to bring the consequences on, knowing that ultimately, they may be the best for everyone. Sometimes it is easier to ask for forgiveness rather than permission, as the saying goes. I don't know what the thought process is, honestly, so I am just speculating. But it is something that has made me wonder for a while now.

I am getting a new sewing machine. It's fancy-shmancy and does the free motion quilting that I have wanted to start doing. Now, if I can just find the blocks to Ziggy's quilt, I'll be all set. Then I can finish Ziggy's quilt, and get going on other projects I have waiting. It will be here on Friday, and it's being delivered from west of London. I got it on an absolute steal, even by US standards, as these machines usually cost double the price.

My princess, Mini-Machine, is potty training. And at the rate she's going, will be potty trained before Mini-Ziggy. I don't know what has gotten into the child, he's as lazy as can be about going to the potty. Mini-Machine? She freaked out the other night because she'd gotten out of the bathtub, and didn't make it to the potty in time, and wet herself a little. Poor little thing was all upset, too, crying like crazy. Her personality has really come out more in the last few weeks. She's a spunky little thing, and is just so cute. She has charmed one of Ziggy's co-workers. From Day 1, she's walked up to him and demanded he hold her, and he complies. It's so funny. She is all over him any time she sees him, like she's known him all her life. His wife and I joke that a cute blonde is after her husband.

Sassy Chassy

My sister is pregnant, as I've mentioned before. But apparently things aren't going as well as anyone would hope. Apparently she has a huge fibroid on her uterus, and one of the docs was a real ass about it. That one told her that she's never going to carry the baby to full term, and never should have concieved in the first place. On top of that, he told her that if they treat her for the fibroid, she'll miscarry anyways, and have to have a full hysterectomy regardless. So she's suitably freaked out. And I hate it for her, and I wish I could help her. Pregnancy is crazy enough when it's a normal pregnancy, complications only stress people out even more.

So she goes back to the doctor today, and I gave her some questions to ask, so that she has some idea of what to expect, and what her options may be. I am hoping that things go as well as they possibly can, and she can have a healthy baby. She really wants this baby, and I know she would positively go to pieces if she ends up losing it.

Update

Car is here, but have to do a mountain of paperwork to get it and to drive it.

2 finals down, and I can't wait til the end of the semester.

I can't find the blocks for Ziggy's quilt, and it's really starting to bug me.