My MIL is in town. She's hung out with me and the kiddos for the most part, and has let me have some time to myself, which has been great, and I REALLY do appreciate.
School, while not stellar, is doing better than I had anticipated, and that's nice. I have lots left to do, but it's not as bad as last semester.....
MiniMachine is 1 month old today. My, time seems to fly by faster the more kids you have.....
I got a full night of sleep last night, since my MIL stayed up with the baby for us....felt great.....
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Friday, September 22, 2006
Face time with Eunuch
Well, Ziggy and I had lunch with Eunuch today. It's really nice to be able to walk up to someone you've never met face to face before and strike up a conversation as though you've known them for a good amount of time.
Lunch was eaten, Hashing was explained( and now I want to try this oddity), and a good time was had by all.
I had a great time chatting with Eunuch, very comfortable and easy to talk with type of guy. Of course, I will have to work on his warped sense of what a 'real' SEC football team is.....poor guy, apparently he doesn't get enough college football in his diet.....
Lunch was eaten, Hashing was explained( and now I want to try this oddity), and a good time was had by all.
I had a great time chatting with Eunuch, very comfortable and easy to talk with type of guy. Of course, I will have to work on his warped sense of what a 'real' SEC football team is.....poor guy, apparently he doesn't get enough college football in his diet.....
Thursday, September 21, 2006
I want to go home
I got my license plates for my Jeep the other day, and ever since I opened the envelope, I have had a longing to go home. I am not from Virginia, as a matter of fact, I hate it here. I was born and raised in Georgia, but I don't consider it home. I want to go back home, to Alaska. It'll be getting cooler this time of year. I can almost see the mountains that surround the city of Anchorage, with the very tips covered in white, telling me that winter is on it's way yet again. I want to stand outside my house on a winter night and look at the sky and watch the Aurora( Northern Lights) dance across the night sky. I want to drive out to Jim's Creek and ride my four-wheeler across the flats at the base of the glacier, get muddy and wet, and otherwise enjoy the outdoors. I want to walk down 4th avenue and look in all the little shops for the tourists. I want to eat at the little Russian cafe on 5th avenue. I want to watch the start of the Iditarod sled dog race every Spring, and go see the ice sculptures during the Fur Rondy. I want to go to the fair and see the huge vegetable displays......I want to drive to Houston for fireworks, and shoot them off well into the night. I want to fish to my heart's content in Seward.
I met myself in Alaska. I met Ziggy in Alaska, and for that alone Alaska will always be dear to me. I want to drive down Muldoon Avenue to Ziggy's old house, and let the memories of that house play in my mind over and over. I want to go home, and never leave the Last Frontier again.
I met myself in Alaska. I met Ziggy in Alaska, and for that alone Alaska will always be dear to me. I want to drive down Muldoon Avenue to Ziggy's old house, and let the memories of that house play in my mind over and over. I want to go home, and never leave the Last Frontier again.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
My self esteem
At what point, when failing at everything possible, do you give up and change what you're doing?
Looking over my life, I see my parents always telling me I'd never be good at or for anything. After so long of hearing that, regardless of the truth in it, a person is going to start believing it. Luck hasn't been on my side in a number of ventures before I joined the military, and I honestly believed that the military would be all that it promised. That was problem number 1, believing the recruiting propaganda. After nearly 5 and a half years of being screwed by my loving Uncle Sam, it would seem that my parents words still ring true, and I am unable, it seems, to shake the whole situation. Granted, there have been some minor victories, but nothing to impress. Looking through my military record, I can honestly say that the only part of it that I am remotely proud of is that I served in Operation Iraqi Freedom. The rest of it could be sealed forever and I wouldn't shed a tear over it, embarrassing as it is. Ever heard the phrase 'shutting the barn door after the horse has run away'? Well, that's a rather decent description of my career in the US Air Force.
At what point do you stop fighting all the crap that is being piled on you, and give up caring about it anymore? How do you get out from under it all? And moreso, how do you shore up the walls of your emotions now that you've been shaken down to the very foundations of your self esteem? I've gotten to the point that my time in the Air Force has taken so much out of my self confidence that I begin to look around me at other aspects of my life and wonder if I'll ever do anything well again, or complete a task I have set for myself. Now all I see for myself is abject failure....
I get the idea that Ziggy has no high opinion of me as a troop, that kind of goes without saying in words. I think he's bright enough to know better than to voice that out loud, particularly to my face.
So what happens if I don't get into the nursing program at my college? Then what do I do? Because then I will have gone to school for 2 years with little to nothing to show for it, as the degree wouldn't be finished. I don't know what else I'd do, as I have wanted to be a nurse for the better part of 10 years, and not much else has captured my interest. Ziggy keeps talking positive about things, and I can't help but see more gloom that good in the whole situation.
Looking over my life, I see my parents always telling me I'd never be good at or for anything. After so long of hearing that, regardless of the truth in it, a person is going to start believing it. Luck hasn't been on my side in a number of ventures before I joined the military, and I honestly believed that the military would be all that it promised. That was problem number 1, believing the recruiting propaganda. After nearly 5 and a half years of being screwed by my loving Uncle Sam, it would seem that my parents words still ring true, and I am unable, it seems, to shake the whole situation. Granted, there have been some minor victories, but nothing to impress. Looking through my military record, I can honestly say that the only part of it that I am remotely proud of is that I served in Operation Iraqi Freedom. The rest of it could be sealed forever and I wouldn't shed a tear over it, embarrassing as it is. Ever heard the phrase 'shutting the barn door after the horse has run away'? Well, that's a rather decent description of my career in the US Air Force.
At what point do you stop fighting all the crap that is being piled on you, and give up caring about it anymore? How do you get out from under it all? And moreso, how do you shore up the walls of your emotions now that you've been shaken down to the very foundations of your self esteem? I've gotten to the point that my time in the Air Force has taken so much out of my self confidence that I begin to look around me at other aspects of my life and wonder if I'll ever do anything well again, or complete a task I have set for myself. Now all I see for myself is abject failure....
I get the idea that Ziggy has no high opinion of me as a troop, that kind of goes without saying in words. I think he's bright enough to know better than to voice that out loud, particularly to my face.
So what happens if I don't get into the nursing program at my college? Then what do I do? Because then I will have gone to school for 2 years with little to nothing to show for it, as the degree wouldn't be finished. I don't know what else I'd do, as I have wanted to be a nurse for the better part of 10 years, and not much else has captured my interest. Ziggy keeps talking positive about things, and I can't help but see more gloom that good in the whole situation.
Something I've been meaning to write
I have been meaning to post this, and just haven't done it. I just love downtown Norfolk, VA. My college has a campus there, and it's in the heart of Norfolk, and I have to walk from the parking garage a couple of blocks over to the campus. Norfolk is just a neat place to me. You've got the upscale sections (MacArthur Center and Ghent), and the funky/trendy places (VooDoo's, and Waterside), along with the college atmosphere, since Tidewater Community College is next to MacArthur Center. There are hole-in-the wall restaurants to eat in, city-style apartments, and lots of old town charm......I just love Norfolk, it's a neat place....
Friday, September 15, 2006
Bit of an update
Well, school is in full swing for the semester. Chemistry and I are still mortal enemies, as I hate math with a passion. But I must do well in order to pass the class. Anatomy is going alright, my first test is next week, and I am a bit nervous about it, truth be told, but I am sure that everything will go alright.
I had the weirdest dreams the past couple of nights. What's even more strange is that my exhusband, Psycho, was in them, though more so in the last one than the first. I have no idea why I'd dream about him, but he was there, rather prominently through the whole dream. Angry and jealous as ever, too.
MiniMachine has finally picked up a little weight on her, she weighs 5lbs and 12 ozs. She eats like a little porker, which is good. Her weigh was worrying me there for a few days. Now I just can't wait for her umbilical cord to fall off so she can have a big girl bath rather than all the wipe-downs with baby wipes.
On the whole professional scope of things, there is a serious disadvantage to having a spouse who knows so much about your job. I've gotten to a point where I don't talk a whole lot about how much work bothers me about my EPR, etc, because Ziggy gets this irritated look on his face like he'd love to tell me what he really thinks, but knows that I'd be angry and/or hurt by anything he has to say......
It's looking rather likely that I will get to meet the infamous Eunuch next week. He is coming to the area and we are planning to do lunch and finally meet face-to-face.
Alright, well, that's about all for now........
I had the weirdest dreams the past couple of nights. What's even more strange is that my exhusband, Psycho, was in them, though more so in the last one than the first. I have no idea why I'd dream about him, but he was there, rather prominently through the whole dream. Angry and jealous as ever, too.
MiniMachine has finally picked up a little weight on her, she weighs 5lbs and 12 ozs. She eats like a little porker, which is good. Her weigh was worrying me there for a few days. Now I just can't wait for her umbilical cord to fall off so she can have a big girl bath rather than all the wipe-downs with baby wipes.
On the whole professional scope of things, there is a serious disadvantage to having a spouse who knows so much about your job. I've gotten to a point where I don't talk a whole lot about how much work bothers me about my EPR, etc, because Ziggy gets this irritated look on his face like he'd love to tell me what he really thinks, but knows that I'd be angry and/or hurt by anything he has to say......
It's looking rather likely that I will get to meet the infamous Eunuch next week. He is coming to the area and we are planning to do lunch and finally meet face-to-face.
Alright, well, that's about all for now........
Monday, September 11, 2006
Oh well....
As though the baby blues catching up to me isn't enough, I was checking the sites for the personnel of the Air Force, and I found out that my referral EPR that was in the works, finally passed everyone and became a matter of record. Ziggy thinks I should fight it, and quite honestly, I think I am all out of fight. After so long of fighting the system that is supposed to help, I think I give up. It seems rather obvious that from start to finish, the 'system' doesn't work or apply in regards to me. This whole experience has done absolutely nothing to raise any of my own self esteem(which has never been high), as the military would like folks to think it does. I suppose I should just face up to the fact that I'm not good for much of anything, nor at any particular job.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Stole it from Brookie.......
62 Odd Questions-------
[1] What is your middle name? Marie
[2] What color is your mailbox:Black
[3] Last time you kissed somone:Um, around 9AM, when I put the baby down for a nap
[4] Have you ever hit a deer?Yes
[5] Do you have to drive over a bridge to get home? Yes
[6] Who checks the mail in your house?Me, for the most part
[7] how many tv's are in your house?3, I think
[8] Do you know anyone with the same ringtone as you?nope
[9] What do you do first in the morning? Um....go to the bathroom.
[10] What brand is your printer?Canon
[11] Do you enjoy fighting with people? Depends on if I am right or not, and if I think it's worth arguing over.
[12] Is your hair naturally straight or curly?straight
[13] Who was your kindergarten teacher? I don't remember
[14] Are you taller than your mother?oh yeah!!!
[15] Do you have a favorite word? Fucker (love ya, Chris!!!)
[16] Are you good?I've never had complaints......
[17] What do you do to get over a broken heart? Don't remember
[18] Do you have a deep dark secret? Um....hell, I don't remember.
[19] Drink of choice:non-alcoholic - dr pepper alcoholic - Sex on the Beach
[20] Do you enjoy writing in colored pens?Blue and Black are colors, right???
[21] Does anything on your body hurt?My lower back
[22] Do you often cry during movies?sometimes
[23] Do you hate your life?absolutely not
[24] Number of pets: 3 cats.
[25] Are there any animals that scares you?Snakes
[26] Do you get mad easily?sometimes yes, sometimes no.
[27] Can't wait for? Baby weight to go away, Toby Keith concert, winter....
[28] What is your biggest pet peeve? Ridiculous people
[29] Favorite song: I dunno, I have a few
[31] Weather outside:warm & humid
[32] Most attractive quality about you: I dunno, ask Ziggy
[33] You're in the mood for? Cold Stone ice cream....
[34] Do any of your friends have kids?Most of them do
[35] If you could have a threesome with any 2 celebrities, who?I wouldn't.
[36] Do you have any friends?very few who are actually friends
[37] Do you have any mean friends?no, but I do have some mean ass aquaintances
[38] What is the ugliest color in your opinion?Chevy's burnt orange. Looks like it came out of a baby diaper
[39] Have you ever liked someone who all your friends couldn't stand?Yes
[40] Have you ever felt like driving off a cliff? No, I have other methods
[41] Have you ever been fired from a job?yes
[42] What year was your house built?1969
[43] When was the last time you slept in someone elses bed? Last week, I was in the hospital
[44] What brand are the pant/jeans you're wearing?I don't have on jeans, I am have on jammies
[45] How tall are you?5' 3"
[46] What is the closest green object? extension cord, I think
[47] What is on your feet?nothing
[48] Do you always wear underwear?no
[49] Do you want to have kids? I have 3
[50] Who is the last person who you would expect to be gay?who knows?? to each their own
[51] Do you know how to draw? I can draw a mean stick man
[52] Whats your mother's middle name?Lynn
[53] Stupidest movie you ever saw:not sure, there's soooo many
[54] Do you collect comic books?no
[55] Do you look like your dad? Supposedly, yes
[56] Do you have any TV shows on DVD?Oh yes....
[57] Are you wearing make up?no
[58] Do you have a tattoo?yes
[59] You win the lottery and you:Get out of the Air Force, finish school, and invest money...and pay off all the bills
[60] How many pairs of underwear do you have?I've never counted, but now I'm curious
[61] Are you hungry at the moment? Mildly, yes
[62] Favorite movie of all time: It's a Wonderful Life.
[1] What is your middle name? Marie
[2] What color is your mailbox:Black
[3] Last time you kissed somone:Um, around 9AM, when I put the baby down for a nap
[4] Have you ever hit a deer?Yes
[5] Do you have to drive over a bridge to get home? Yes
[6] Who checks the mail in your house?Me, for the most part
[7] how many tv's are in your house?3, I think
[8] Do you know anyone with the same ringtone as you?nope
[9] What do you do first in the morning? Um....go to the bathroom.
[10] What brand is your printer?Canon
[11] Do you enjoy fighting with people? Depends on if I am right or not, and if I think it's worth arguing over.
[12] Is your hair naturally straight or curly?straight
[13] Who was your kindergarten teacher? I don't remember
[14] Are you taller than your mother?oh yeah!!!
[15] Do you have a favorite word? Fucker (love ya, Chris!!!)
[16] Are you good?I've never had complaints......
[17] What do you do to get over a broken heart? Don't remember
[18] Do you have a deep dark secret? Um....hell, I don't remember.
[19] Drink of choice:non-alcoholic - dr pepper alcoholic - Sex on the Beach
[20] Do you enjoy writing in colored pens?Blue and Black are colors, right???
[21] Does anything on your body hurt?My lower back
[22] Do you often cry during movies?sometimes
[23] Do you hate your life?absolutely not
[24] Number of pets: 3 cats.
[25] Are there any animals that scares you?Snakes
[26] Do you get mad easily?sometimes yes, sometimes no.
[27] Can't wait for? Baby weight to go away, Toby Keith concert, winter....
[28] What is your biggest pet peeve? Ridiculous people
[29] Favorite song: I dunno, I have a few
[31] Weather outside:warm & humid
[32] Most attractive quality about you: I dunno, ask Ziggy
[33] You're in the mood for? Cold Stone ice cream....
[34] Do any of your friends have kids?Most of them do
[35] If you could have a threesome with any 2 celebrities, who?I wouldn't.
[36] Do you have any friends?very few who are actually friends
[37] Do you have any mean friends?no, but I do have some mean ass aquaintances
[38] What is the ugliest color in your opinion?Chevy's burnt orange. Looks like it came out of a baby diaper
[39] Have you ever liked someone who all your friends couldn't stand?Yes
[40] Have you ever felt like driving off a cliff? No, I have other methods
[41] Have you ever been fired from a job?yes
[42] What year was your house built?1969
[43] When was the last time you slept in someone elses bed? Last week, I was in the hospital
[44] What brand are the pant/jeans you're wearing?I don't have on jeans, I am have on jammies
[45] How tall are you?5' 3"
[46] What is the closest green object? extension cord, I think
[47] What is on your feet?nothing
[48] Do you always wear underwear?no
[49] Do you want to have kids? I have 3
[50] Who is the last person who you would expect to be gay?who knows?? to each their own
[51] Do you know how to draw? I can draw a mean stick man
[52] Whats your mother's middle name?Lynn
[53] Stupidest movie you ever saw:not sure, there's soooo many
[54] Do you collect comic books?no
[55] Do you look like your dad? Supposedly, yes
[56] Do you have any TV shows on DVD?Oh yes....
[57] Are you wearing make up?no
[58] Do you have a tattoo?yes
[59] You win the lottery and you:Get out of the Air Force, finish school, and invest money...and pay off all the bills
[60] How many pairs of underwear do you have?I've never counted, but now I'm curious
[61] Are you hungry at the moment? Mildly, yes
[62] Favorite movie of all time: It's a Wonderful Life.
Sunday, September 03, 2006
1 week
Well, MiniMachine is 1 week old, and my 29th birthday has passed. I drove today, which was a first, so I don't have to be dependent on Ziggy for all transportation.
Juggling 3 kids isn't easy, and MiniZiggy is having a really hard time adjusting to having a little sister that takes attention away from him.
School has begun, and so has the battle to figure out when to do homework amidst kids. I'm thinking Tuesday will have to do, as Ziggy will be taking Scout and MiniZiggy to school/daycare, and I will be alone with MiniMachine. Ziggy lets me take naps, so I'm not totally wiped out, which is nice. MiniMachine sleeps for 4 hours at a time, so we're not up constantly like we were with MiniZiggy.
More updates later.....
Juggling 3 kids isn't easy, and MiniZiggy is having a really hard time adjusting to having a little sister that takes attention away from him.
School has begun, and so has the battle to figure out when to do homework amidst kids. I'm thinking Tuesday will have to do, as Ziggy will be taking Scout and MiniZiggy to school/daycare, and I will be alone with MiniMachine. Ziggy lets me take naps, so I'm not totally wiped out, which is nice. MiniMachine sleeps for 4 hours at a time, so we're not up constantly like we were with MiniZiggy.
More updates later.....
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