Marriage advice

In the spirit of CrazyGirl eloping, I offer to the masses my own marriage advice.....or atleast things that I have been told by others that have been married longer than I have:

1. From my mother, who has been married to Daddy for almost 57 years.....Never hang wallpaper with your spouse.

2. For wives, keep a HDD(Husband Discipline Device, i.e. marble rolling pin) in the kitchen, in plain view, and regardless of whether or not you actually use it in cooking.

3. Communicate, communicate, communicate....even if you know that you are going to totally botch what you are trying to say. Keep trying, it's bound to come out right sooner or later.

4. Girls, be a woman and put the toilet seat down your own self. You're a grown woman, and it takes longer to bitch about it than it does to actually do it.

5. Spend quality time together, not doing any kind of housework or home improvement.

6. No name calling in arguments.

7. Try to stay calm during an argument. I know, I know, hard to do.....but try anyways. May save you alot of trouble later.

8. Make an occassion of birthdays. Note I didn't say make a big deal. It doesn't have to be everyone showing up for a party. A simple card to the one having the birthday can be perfectly acceptable, reminding them that you remembered...

9. Be supportive of each other and your dreams.

10. Once people marry, lots of them forget how to be friends with each other. This is a fundamental thing. Because after a couple kids and a long day at work, passion is not the easiest thing to bring about. Passion is passing. Friendship can stand the test of time.

11. Do not, under ANY circumstances, marry to cover up something in the past. It will eventually resurface and blow things to hell.

12. Arguments will happen. You will not always agree with your spouse. This is NOT a sign that the marriage is in trouble. It's a sign that two people don't agree and need to talk out the issue and reach a reasonable conclusion.

13. Try not to fight over petty things. Marriage is hard enough without creating extra drama.

14. This one comes from the movie Forces of Nature....whenever you feel stressed out with your spouse, that they are grating your nerves and running you absolutely bonkers, keep in mind that at some point, they are dealing with the exact same feelings about you. It helps keep things in perspective.

15. Keep holding hands in public. I know, sounds rather silly, right? Believe me, after a while of being married, people stop doing the little things like that. They become roommates rather than long term lovers.

16. Try to take an interest in one of your spouse's hobbies. Even a minor interest can be better than total ignorance.

17. Work as a team. This comes from my experiences in having to work with Ziggy while AT WORK. Ziggy and I have only had to work directly with each other a handful of times(being as we're military, it's not allowed, but in this instance, it was a rare happenstance. We were the two that had the most experience, so we had to do the job), but we have a certain formula when we have to do it. Decide what the plan is, and then follow through it.

18. Do not try to change your spouse completely. Softening the rough edges, I can understand(and sympathize with). But to change who they are is just wrong. And remember, they are always thinking that there is something that could be changed about you as well.

19. Do not lose your self identity in your marriage. I am Mrs. Ziggy, yes. But I have my own interests, tastes and hobbies that are seperate from Ziggy. Being married doesn't mean that you have to assume a new identity, nor that you must be someone you are not. It just means that you have another hat to wear.

20. Something to remember in marriage, and it comes from the movie Shall We Dance(the Richard Gere/J. Lo flick).......in getting married, you are, essentially, saying that you will bear witness to someone's life. You will notice the small things that thrill and excite them, and remember them. You will know what they go through for different goals in life, because you have committed to be there for it. You will celebrate semmingly small victories with them because you have committed to them that it will matter to you. I agree that when you recite vows in the ceremony, it all sounds like alot of things you never think you'll ever do...but the bottom line is that you are promising to be there for them through it all....the good, the bad and the ugly. Big things and little things.

I think that'll do it for now......Congratulations, CrazyGirl!!!

Rapid descent

So ever since Ziggy got back, he's been different. Little things, like I've mentioned before. But it seems to be compounding, and progressively getting bigger. And when I asked Ziggy about one in particular(and a fairly personal one at that), I get this answer that boggles my mind. The answer was so completely opposite of every action that it threw me way off my bearings. To the point I am wondering something I never thought I'd ever suspect of Ziggy.......Could Ziggy have slept with Kat while deployed?

The very thought of it's being possible runs chills through me that I haven't had in years. Tears try to well in my eyes, and part of me feels as though everything that I have been holding dear and of value between Ziggy and I is unravelling with the speed of bullet train. I never ever thought I'd come to suspect this of him. But like I've said, there have been little things that keep adding up and pointing to it. I keep thinking that maybe I am overreacting, jumping to conclusions. I am trying to keep myself calm, but it doesn't seem to work. .......I feel as though my whole world has begun to crumble........

Quick disconnect

So since Ziggy has been home, I have noticed more and more of a seperatist movement with him. Little things, I suppose...we don't snuggle anymore, we don't watch TV together much anymore, things like that. Even when we sleep.....We used to go to bed at the same time, and not nearly as much anymore. Things like that.....and it's started to bother me a bit. Not sure if it's the transitioning from being deployed thing(I don't recall this from when I came home), or something deeper. Maybe it's me.........something doesn't feel like Ziggy used to, and I can't pinpoint what it is. Something deep down...I don't know......

Melancholy and the Infinite Sadness

Thanks to the band, Smashing Pumpkins, there's the title for this entry.

Melancholy, or by definition, low spirits, or depression. Yes, I'd say that's a fair description of me lately. I haven't been feeling entirely well here lately, and any time I mention it to Ziggy, he blows me off, saying that I am worrying too much. So I do my best to seem at my normal self. I'm not sure what has brought on the melancholy, but I sense it in myself, and am not altogether sure how to handle it.

As for Infinite Sadness, not too sure where this is coming from either, but have a underlying sense of sadness, for some reason. I haven't mentioned it to Ziggy, but have kept it pretty much to myself.

Be well...

Monday

315 days left until I am seperated from the Air Force. But who's counting??

25 weeks into this pregnancy, and I am so tired...........studying for a test tomorrow night is not coming easily. I studied, with my lab partner, for the last test, and I did horrible......my lab partner did 3 points worse than I did. That seriously shattered what little confidence that I had in myself with studying. I took a quiz in the lab section of the class, and managed 3 points better than I did on the lecture test. That was an instance in which better, well, wasn't. I am dreading the rest of this semester. But I am determined to pass this class.......but I don't think it will be by much.

Alright, I am too tired to be remotely entertaining, so I am going to say goodnight......

Sunny, you made this too easy for me

Name: AFeskimo, to the Internet
Single or Taken: Taken
Happy about that?
Siblings:3 sisters 3 brothers
Eye color:brown Shoe size: 7
Height:5'3"
What are you wearing right now? tank top and gaucho pants from Target, very comfy
Where do you live: Chesapeake, VA
Righty or lefty:Righty
FAVORITES
Kind of pants:Jeans that fit
Number:13
Animal:Dolphins, Siberian Tigers
Drink:Dr. Pepper
Sport:College Football
Month:Dunno
Juice:Pineapple Orange
Breakfast:Cereal, the sugary kind
Favorite cartoon character: Bugs Bunny forever, baby!

Have You Ever...Given anyone a bath: yes
Made yourself throw-up?no
Gone skinny dipping:No
Eaten a dog?not that Im aware of
Put your tongue on a frozen pole?no
Loved someone so much it made you cry?yes
Broken a bone:No in the traditional 'fracture' sense.
Played truth or dare:I was a band geek, we practically invented the game.
Been in a physical fight:yes
Been in a police car:yes, but only cause I was working on it.
Been on a plane:yes
Came close to dying:Yes
been in a sauna:yes
Been in a hot tub:yes
Swam in the ocean:Yes
Fallen asleep in school:yes
Ran away:No
Broken someone's heart:I've been told so, yes
Cried when someone died:yes
Cried in school:yes
Fell off your chair:yes
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call?yes
Saved e-mails:yes
Made out/kissed JUST a friend?Yes, and ended up marrying him.
Used someone?Yes
Been cheated on?yes

What is...Your good luck charm?dont have one
New fav. song? Ummmm, I dont know
What's your room like:Messy
What kind of shampoo do you use?whatever is in the shower
Have you ever had:
Chicken pox?Yes
Sore Throat?yes
Stitches?yes
Broken nose?no
Do you...Like picnics?Not that into bugs...
Like school?Depends on what I am studying
Question:Who was the last person that called you?Um....Ziggy, I think....
Who makes you smile the most out of your friends?Chris Daugherty
Who knows you the best?Ziggy
Who:Did you last yell at?Scout
Broke your heart?I dunno
Who's your loudest friend?Kat.
Do you like filling these out?ehhh, nothing better to do
Do you wear contact lenses or glasses?Sunglasses......
Do you like yourself?Most of the time
Do you get along with your family?ummmm, parts of my family
Are You...Obsessive?no
Compulsive?Not really
Suicidal?no
Final Questions:
What are you listening to right now The video game that Scout is playing downstairs.
What did you do yesterday?Ran errands with the boys and Ziggy.
Hated someone in your family?Yes
Gotten any awards?:yes
Where do you want to get married?I got married in Alaska
Good Driver:Better than I used to be
Good Singer:Not anymore
How many remote controls are in your house?No clue, can't find them all
Are you double jointed?In my middle three toes on each foot
What do you dream about?weird things
When did you last shower?this morning
Scary or Funny movies?Funny, unless it's a M. Night Shymalan flick
Chocolate or Vanilla?chocolate
Rootbeer or Dr. Pepper?Pepper, baby!!!
Skiing or Boarding?neither
Summer or winter?Winter in Alaska
Silver or Gold?Gold
Diamond or pearl?Diamond
Sprite or 7-Up?neither
Coffee or tea?Sweet Tea
Phone or in person?Depends on who it is
Are you oldest, middle, youngest?Middle
Indoor or outdoor?Depends
Today did you...1. Talk to someone you liked?Yes
2. Bought something?Yes
3. Get sick?nope
4. Sing?Nope
8. Talked to an ex?NO!!!!
9. Miss someone?I always do!

Last person who....10. Slept in your bed?Ziggy
11. Saw/heard you cry?umm I dunno
12. Made you cry?no clue
13. Went to the movies with?Ziggy
14. You went to the mall with?Scout and MiniZiggy
15. You said "I Love You" and meant it?MiniZiggy, when he went to bed tonight
16. Ever been in a fight with your pet?yes, Charlie thinks it's affectionate to chew on me
17. Been to Vegas?no.
18. Been to Mexico?No
19. Been to Canada?yes

Random.....
21. Do you have a crush on someone right now? Well, Vin Diesel is still my top man to oogle.
22. What book are you reading now?I'm not, actually
23. Best feeling in the world?Being with Ziggy
24. Future KIDS names?Riley Marie, Henry Douglas
25. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?nope, just Ziggy
26.What's under your bed?nothing
27. Favorite sports to watch?College football
28. Favorite Locations:Anywhere other than work
29. Piercing/Tattoos:6 tats, 2 ear holes in each ear.
30. What are you most scared of right now: Being put on bedrest, and failing school.
31. Who do you really hate?My biological mother
32. Do you have a job?yes
33. Have you ever liked someone you didn't have a chance with:Yes and was shocked to find out he felt the same way.
34. Have you ever cried:yes
36. Are you lonely right now:no
38. Song that's stuck in your head right now:Mrs. Robinson
39. Ever played strip poker?well DUH
40. Have you ever gotten beat up?yes
42. Have you ever been on radio/tv?yes
43. Have you ever been in a mosh-pit:no
44. Ever liked someone, but thought they never noticed you?:Yes

Random
What color is your underwear right now?aqua
Your Favorite Food?edible
Do you smoke?no
Hair color?black/brown
Are you too shy to ask someone out?Not an issue, I have a permanent date.
Hugs or Kisses?:both
AIM? MSN?:dont use either
Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn?Buttered and salted
Dogs or cats?cats
Favorite Flower?Stargazer lily
Have you ever fired a gun?yes OHHHHH YEA!
Do you like to travel by plane as opposed to car?Depends how far I am going.
How many pillows do you sleep with?2 or 3
Who are you missing right now? Chris
Do you think your ex misses you?nope and I really dont care!

Informed Decision

The title is the name of a class that I 'had'(read: I was forced to go and would have gotten into trouble for not attending) to go sit through on Wednesday. The upper eschelons of the units here on base round up all the first term folks(meaning we are on our first contract with the military) who are about a year out from getting out of the military, and make us sit through all these briefings on how much money you won't make on the outside, how you won't be trained properly to stay in whatever job you get, etc, etc. It goes on and on. There was even a guy who comes in sporting a suit, tie, cuff links and a briefcase, and gives us this whole schpeel about how he's done the research(which, once he got into explaining things, was more like uneducated estimates) and has compiled all of these figures as to how much it's going to cost, per month, for a single person to get out of the military and live in the local area.......His definition of 'research' must be something along the lines of guessing the prices from 10-15 years ago, because he was WAAAAYYYYY off on anything he was stating as 'fact'. Such as he estimated that a single male, under 25, was going to be able to pay a car payment, pay for full coverage insurance and put gas in it for $400. Yeeeaaaaa..........under 25 and that cheap of full coverage insurance. Not bloody likely.
So anyways, they want to 'show' you what you're up against outside the miiltary, in the hopes that it will convince you(without them saying anything outright) to reenlist.......The general consensus of everyone that had said they were getting out??? Still getting out, they don't want to deploy anymore.....can't blame the reasoning, personally.

So the countdown is 318 days until my seperation day.........

A little church humor

I went to church yesterday
(yes, I darken the doorstep occassionally, just to see how flame retardant I am), and the pastor was talking about being a responsible parent and watching what your kids get into. He mentioned some politician, and I can't recall what his name was, but he was talking about how he'd actually be curious if his son wasn't trying to look up pornography on the internet. Why? Because that's what boys do when they hit puberty, they get curious.......Over my shoulder, 2 pews back, sits a group of 13-14 year old kids.....and I hear one of the boys say, "Exactly!!!" The pew they were sitting on erupts in laughter, so does the one in front of them, and myself, sitting 2 pews in front of the kids. It was funny, I thought I'd share.......

Ugh

School isn't going well. To the point that I am thinking of dropping one class, or both, and completely changing my major. This is throwing me WWWAAAAYYYY off kilter. Yea......

Ziggy is getting on my nerves. Let's put it like this......he could be deployed again, and it'd be ok with me.

Stretch is on leave for a week and a half(he's coming back early, sans family, since he doesn't think the office will run without him).....

MiniZiggy fell and hit his head rather hard this evening, and wanted to go to bed immediately afterwards(even skipped one of his favorite dinners, pot pies)......he screamed something awful, cried buckets of tears, clung to Momma like crazy.........I keep checking on him, I am a bit nervous...

I'm having a bad day.

Random utterings

Ok, so we killed that Al-Zarqawi person. Good. One less crazy that we have to worry about. Spare me the whole speech of how many will take his place. That one is gone, move on already.

That Army LT out in Washington state that is making a fuss over being deployed to Iraq. Ok, bottom line, you signed up, you follow orders. If you don't, you will be dealt with and the military will win, rest assured. He even joined AFTER the war had started, so it wasn't as though he wasn't aware that there's a war going on.........big hairy DDDDDUUUUUUUUHHHHHH. On top of that, he joined the ARMY........virtually guaranteeing that he spend no less that 6 months over in the hot desert. So we can deduct a few things about this person already......One, that he has no long-term foresight, or he would have known that by joining the military, the odds are that he would spend some time in the desert. Two, he ain't too bright, being as he joined the Army, who spends a minimum(or so an Army officer over there told me) of 6 months over there. This also ties in with number one. Three, he's oblivious to the world around him, since he apparently didn't take note of the fact that there's a WAR going on, and well, who fights the wars? The military.....and he joined anyways. Four, he thinks he is special because he doesn't want to go over there and do his job. Heck, he's probably a paper-pusher anyways, and wouldn't see any first line action in the first place. This guy is not special. Or even unique. There are PLENTY of folks who serve their country and don't agree with the orders that they recieve to go certain places. Whether or not it's to a war zone or not. That's the pure beauty of being American. We don't have to like what happens. And for the military, we don't have to like it, we just have to do it. That's our job. I didn't want to go to Iraq. But the thing is, it's not for the military to judge, that isn't our job. We are the enforcers of policy, and policy in America is made by civilians, not the military. Bottom line, he's going to make a fuss.....he's going to get punished under the UCMJ, the military's law code. He will be decommissioned, and will get his 5 minutes of fame. I hope it's worth it to him. He will be forgotten quicker than he thinks, and replaced even faster.

I have begun buying baby clothes......wow there are so many choices for a little girl. It's crazy. I hardly know what size to buy, since the ultrasound estimated her at weighing almost 2 pounds. I go back for another ultrasound on the 21st. We finally got a name for her........Ziggy came up with Riley (nice Irish name, to go with her Russian/Jewish last name), and her middle name will be Marie, which is also my middle name. I am not ashamed to say that I am a bit nervous about having a little girl. After 2 boys, I feel a bit lost with a girl. And none of the folks I know around here have a really little girl that I can babysit in order to 'practice' with. Ziggy has been wondering what kind of personality she will come with, if she'll be calm like her oldest brother, or moody and demanding like MiniZiggy. He wants her to have my hair color(Lord, I hope not, I hate my hair color) and curls like MiniZiggy, while I am hoping for another blonde with curly hair that I can put up in little pigtails when she's older. Ziggy wants to get her into softball and sports, and I just want to get her here before we start all that.

I have begun looking for a second job, as well. I won't start applying or anything until the first of the year, but I am trying to atleast get a lead on things so I'm not scrambling. I want to ease my transition out of the Air Force as much as possible.

Well, that's about all I have right now.......more to come, of course......

Yap yap yap

I just hate it when people come to work, and act all surprised that things worked despite their having been away. I have heard, over and over again this morning, about how hard it was to get out of bed to come to work (' I realized I have to work, OMG!'), and how much they missed their significant other and how they really hope that things will progress with them and they will 'be taken off the single market'..........this is someone who's been divorced twice, so it's not as though they are new to the whole 'married' scene, nor have they been on the single scene for a long time.

Bottom line, you know those little dogs that you see always yapping at their owners? The ones that if they had a broom stick up their butts could be used as a dust mop? Yea.............that's all I'm hearing out the office today.

Can I be out of the Air Force yet? It's crap like this that makes me yearn for bedrest so I don't have to hear any of it for a while.

Brutal honesty

I'm a fan of it, actually. What kind of amazes me is when people want to know 'the truth' and then are suprised when they find out how they are seen by others.

Case in point, Kat. Kat's a friendly gal. She really is. And the perception that others have of her is that she's the shop whore, and has been passed from man to man in the shop we work in. I made a comment to her today that, once stated, was rather cold and mean. I apologized to her for hurting her feelings, as that wasn't my intention, and explained to her why I said what I did. In this whole discussion, she learned what the others that work here really think of her. Which shows the hypocracy of people, but that's a bit of a moot point by now. Anyways, she was angry and blown away by people's perception of her. I didn't go into how people get their impressions of her, I figured that I'd said enough already by that point. She sat here and brooded for a while, and then left, still fuming mad, you could practically see the heat rising off her she was so mad.....

Here's something that has baffled me for a good while.......why are people suprised others get certain impressions of them when they only show themselves to be exactly what is thought of them? This incident isn't the first time I've come across it, either. If one isn't willing for others to see them for themselves, then they shouldn't be suprised that people get the 'wrong' impressions about them......