Why I was never quite sure about being with Ziggy

Back when Ziggy and I first started dating, I wasn't so sure that things were going to actually go anywhere. Yes, Ziggy is a great guy. He was then, too. There were two things that kept me from thinking that anything serious was going to happen with him. 1. The dog I had at the time and 2. Ziggy's asshole factor. Now, to explain the dog, you have to understand that I love the breed of dog that is a Siberian Husky, or Alaskan Malmute. Think the dogs from the movie Snow Dogs....sled dogs, basically. I had one, a beautiful black and white Siberian named Sasha. The serious downside to that breed is that they are double coated, and tend to shed repeatedly. Well, when Ziggy and I started dating, and he would come over, my dog would rub against him, wanting to be petted. Thus, leaving white hair on his pants. To which he'd freak out over(yes, the man with a very very relaxed sense of fashion freaked over something like this), and try to avoid my dog at all costs. I'm a firm believer that if a potential significant other can't deal with your kids or your pets, they are worth keeping around for all the aggravation. Ziggy was great with Scout, but Sasha was another ballgame entirely. Thus my concern over things with him.

As for the asshole factor, Ziggy is a good bit like his father, but much more like his brother. For as long as I can remember, Ziggy has warned me about his brother, about how to be careful what I say or do around him or else he'll get pissed and either tell me off(big whoop, in my opinion) or I won't be allowed around the family. Yes, you read that correctly.....spouses and significant others that don't behave get excluded in that family. Anyways, my brother in law has a quick tongue and little to no remorse for what he says to people, and in this way Ziggy is very much like him, though the brother is younger than Ziggy. Anyways, Ziggy would let whatever was in his mind come out of the mouth, and little care for what he said or the effects of what he said had on others. So he was percieved, by me, as a nice guy for the most part, but a serious jerk as well. I didn't think he would be any kind of polite to anyone unless it benefitted him. I thought this for a long time, actually. Which is why, when he asked me to marry him, I didn't think it would really happen. I thought he'd get tired of me and move on. It was an impression that I got any time he would tell me about his past relationships and how things went with them. So in a way I was waiting on the other shoe to drop and him to move on. Part of me still waits on it.

I explain all this in order to tell why I am so upset right now. The last time I was made this upset by Ziggy was this time 2 years ago, and it concerned what became MiniZiggy, and whether or not we'd be together with that baby. Anyways, I was on the phone with Ziggy the other night, and I was explaining something to him about Scout, and I tried to explain it to where Ziggy would catch it. Ziggy doesn't always understand things regarding kids without a bit of explanation so I was trying to explain. Well, Ziggy got a bit short with me, making me wonder what the hell was going on. He whipped out asshole over it to, and it stung. I have always feared Ziggy's asshole side because I firmly believe that truth comes out in what you say when you are angry, drunk or under anesthesia. I have never been strong enough to fight Ziggy's asshole side, I usually back off and try to disappear to lick my wounds in private rather than confront him with it. It tends to bring out more of it in him. And I tend to try to avoid him whipping it out on me.( Sorry I'm so long-winded today)....yea........so it bothers me, and it has upset me, as being as he doesn't read my blog, I don't have to worry about hearing about it. I can write this into the oblivion that is the internet and let it fly, and few will know of it.

So thanks for letting me get that off my chest, what few readers I have......

AFeskimo