WHat was I thinking?

The number 13 doesn't normally strike fear into my heart the way that it would with others. Not a number to be afraid of in my family. Why? Well, my brother was born on Friday the 13th. 13 has always been lucky for the Neals. So I signed up for a half marathon. It's the E.T. Half Marathon. Run on the E.T. Highway, outside of (where else?) Area 51 in Nevada. Seriously, how cool does this event sound (it's run at midnight because it's Iraq-hot during the day)??? Aliens...midnight...top secret squirrel shit happening over your shoulder...get the idea? So to get the 'full' experience, I signed up for the event that starts at the 'Black mailbox'. Yea, the place where folks meet to watch for UFO's over Groom Lake in Nevada. Hey, if you're gonna go to the E.T. running events, might as well get the full experience, right, START AT THE BLACK MAILBOX. And the event that starts at the 'Black Mailbox' is the half marathon.

Did you catch those two words?? HALF MARATHON. Meaning 13.1 miles. Half of 26.2 miles. 13 M-I-L-E-S. We're talking 2 2/2 to 3 hours of abject agony on my body. Because I wanted the full alien experience, and signed up, paid money to run 13.1 miles. WTF was I thinking? I am now terrified of the number 13. 6 miles, I got. 7 I can do (painfully, but I can do it). Why did I think I could pull off 13?????

Let me take you back to Balad AB, Iraq, 4 years ago. Me, running my first 5k, cursing Paul the whole way. And now I dare aspire to 13 miles? Surely I am Icarus flitting around the sky, right? I've been training, but I dread my days I run long distances. I am terrified of anything over 7 miles now....why? Who knows, but I'd say mostly fear of failing miserably.

Well, here goes nothing

So I've had this story knocking around my head for a while, and I think it could be a novel. So I started writing it. May eventually look into getting an agent and seeing if I can get it published. So, here goes nothing.

Year in Review

Well, being as it's New Year's Eve, it's time for my year in review. I look back on this last year and am in awe of the changes that have taken place.

For anyone who doesn't know, Viriginia was not a good place for Ziggy and I to be. Virginia, and the atmosphere of where we worked, along with several other factors, nearly ended our marriage. This is how 2008 started for me. Stressed and strained marriage, getting ready to move across the world. So what did I do for New Years 2008? Went to Washington State with the little people. We were gone for nearly a month.

February brought things to a head between us, literally 48 hours before we got on a plane to move to England. So we moved.

Living in England has done wonders for us and our marriage. School is going well for me, Joseph's doing good, and the little people are doing well. We have really worked on things between us, and gotten ourselves back to where we were before we moved to Virginia.

So what does 2009 hold? For starters, I will graduate from college with my Bachelor's degree. MiniZiggy will start school (thank God!). We will pay off the truck. I will run my first half marathon. Things are good now. And we are working to keep them that way. As for everything else, we'll see what happens.....

Brandy and Woot

I no longer have your email addresses. Please drop me a message at afeskimo@yahoo.com

My birthday

1 September is my birthday. And not even my closest friends remembered. Granted, I live in a different country, but in this world of internet and electronic mail, you'd think I'd get messages from those I've always held dear. But no, I didn't.

Really puts perspective on where I rate with these folks, doesn't it? Saves me stamps for others' cards.....

No longer a doormat

There are people in this world that demand rather high standards for how people treat them, while they have no concept of treating anyone else any better than dirt. Rather than using communication to get through a conflict, they'd rather bitch at others and make them feel like crap until the other person changes their behavior to more acceptable. Well, I'm not taking the crap anymore.
I require being treated with the same respect and consideration that others demand for themselves. Friendship cannot be built without mutual respect. I refuse to be a doormat to anyone. I also refuse to be anyone's punching bag.

I am a human being, an adult, and I demand to be treated with respect if anyone is planning to be a friend of mine. You will afford me the same courtesies that you require for yourself. You will treat me the same way you want to be treated. I require adult communication, not adolescent sulking when you don't get your way.
Comply or get the fuck out.

Oh yea!!

Finals are over, and I am enjoying some much needed time off from school. Feels good to recharge and not worry about classes or deadlines for a bit.

My car is officially registered, so I can now consider myself completely moved and adjusted to England. YAY!!!!

Scout starts back to school Monday, I am soooo glad.

MiniZiggy is making good progress on potty training, which is very encouraging. MiniMachine does well enough for a 2 year old, I don't expect her to achieve perfection at just 2 years old. She's so funny when she goes in the bathroom to potty, she has a little song that she has to sing when she pulls her pull-up down, and one for when she pulls it back up. So funny!!!

Her birthday is Wednesday, and next weekend is her party. I can hardly wait, it's going to be so cute with the party stuff I bought her!!!...

Oh please

It just runs me batty when people want to be self-righteous and hypocritical. For instance, I've got this friend that dated a woman who was married for the better part of the 3 or so years they were together. And yet if I jokingly flirt with him, I get admonished that I'm a married woman and should behave. WTF?!?! Who the hell are you to judge me?? Get real...

Free at Last!

It's 2:26AM and I have just turned in my latest and LAST paper for this semester--YAY!!! Happy dance has officially commenced. 11 sources, 15 pages, plus bibliography and endnotes. It counts 40% of my grade in the class. Now all I have to do is muddle through finals, and I can breathe easier.....

An update

Wow, it's been a while.

School, I have to say, has me dragging my feet, and I am at the end of a very crucial semester. I really need to make good in these 3 classes, so that I can continue to attend school and finish this blasted degree. I took on took much in the first semester, and now I am paying the price for it. It caught me up, believe me. I am learning patience. I have one huge paper du next week, and I haven't started writing it. But I will tomorrow. Procrastination has been a big problem since learning that my financial aid is gone. With regards to school, I feel as though I have a lead weight attached to me, and it's just dragging me down harder and harder as I get closer to the end of the semester. This is bad, of course, because I have to write huge papers that count an awful lot towards my degree. And I REALLY don't want to take these classes again.

Finals are coming up, and believe me, I dread them. I am one of those people that test anxiety just kills. Especially with the study guides that I get. I get these guides for an exam that may not be the version that the guide is written for, and am expected to remember all 50 identifications off the top of my head, in it's entirety, for 3 classes. Yea. Not gonna happen. And it seems that no matter how well I feel I have prepared for the final, it always throws me huge curve balls. The part I dread the most about finals, is teh time after the test has been taken. That dead time between when the test is taken, and when the grade is posted absolutely kills me. I age decades in that time of waiting, I kid you not.

I did rather well Spring semester, 3 B's and a C. Rather respectable, I thought. But my overall GPA is a 1.8, as I failed a class Fall semester. I have to have a 2.0 to get my financial aid back. As long as I'm doing well, I can still take classes, until my GPA goes back over 2.0. That's why these 3 classes are factoring so much into my degree for me (that and I just don't want to take the classes again). I need B's.....pretty badly....

I got sick a few weeks ago, and it threw off my housework schedule. My laundry got behind. I am so behind in general. I feel drained, like I am playing chronic catch-up......only I never seem to get anywhere.

Good grief and a blast from the past

It's been a long time since I've posted on here. REason being, no one reads this anymore. Why don't I take it down? Excellent question, as the moment I go to do it, someone pipes up and says "Leave it up, I read it!" I'm a sucker, I know.....

I ran a 5k on July 4th, and that was singularly the WORST event I have run in. Never, ever, never should you run through the start/finish HALFWAY through the race!!! This produces mass confusion with the runners! Oh yes, I speak from experience on this!

Blast from the past....Hi John!!!

I just need to vent

Oh where to start? I don't write much on here anymore, I think the blogging craze has died down. But when I need to vent, this is a good place for it.

There are times when I think I should've stayed in the U.S. Not because of the people in the UK, or antying like that, but because of you. We were fine until I went to Iraq. Then you left. Then we had a baby. Then you pretty well walked away from me emotionally. sexually, you turned into a prude. I told you repeatedly what I needed, and you blew me off. SO I got what I needed, and you got upset. You're running around behind my back trying to ruin whomever I talk to, and I can't imagine why. You think something was stolen from you, and yet you can't tell ME about it. No, you'd prefer to tell anyone else but me about it, though I am the one it concerns. What's that saying? You haven't got the balls to talk to me first about anything, you just run off and do your own thing, like you are all that matters. So what, I got pictures? WHat does it matter? You don't send me pictures. Why drag work into things? I sent you pictures. When will you realize that I am trying to get you to do the same things?

Now when I try to tell you how I feel, you give me this blank look, and you don't say anything back to me except Awww. Don't you know how hard it is for me to tell you how I feel? I wasn't raised to express feelings like that, and only until you came along could I do it and feel comfortable. And now you blow me off. How's that supposed to make me feel? Now I just feel like I'm being left behind, trailed along because I have the kids, like an afterthought.

Who else are you going to attack for sending me pictures? I mean why limit it to one, right? It smacks of Bobby, to be honest. I am unimpressed. Just run off everyone and I'm only yours, right? You're running me off from you, in case you haven't noticed. You don't take hints well, and tell things to you bluntly seems to upset you further, so what am I supposed to do? I get blamed for everything you don't get to do, and I'm sick of it. You don't want me going out to a club, then by damn you don't need to go do it. Fair's fair, right? You spend most of your time keeping up with the guys from work anyways, the games, all that. It doesn't make a damned bit of difference.

Happenings

My car is here, YAY!!! I took the little people to Asda yesterday (English version of Wal Mart), just to see what was to be seen. Cheaper than shopping on the rest of the economy, I'll say.

Now, I don't proclaim to be the perfect or ideal wife. Far from it. I admit to having been part of the "harem" of a friend of mine. But I can say with all honesty that I am glad those days are over. The friend is still a friend, and better off that way. Part of me thinks that ultimately, that friend wants his past to be known by the one closest to him. Why? Perhaps it is to breathe easier, knowing that things don't have to be hidden anymore. Or maybe to bring the consequences on, knowing that ultimately, they may be the best for everyone. Sometimes it is easier to ask for forgiveness rather than permission, as the saying goes. I don't know what the thought process is, honestly, so I am just speculating. But it is something that has made me wonder for a while now.

I am getting a new sewing machine. It's fancy-shmancy and does the free motion quilting that I have wanted to start doing. Now, if I can just find the blocks to Ziggy's quilt, I'll be all set. Then I can finish Ziggy's quilt, and get going on other projects I have waiting. It will be here on Friday, and it's being delivered from west of London. I got it on an absolute steal, even by US standards, as these machines usually cost double the price.

My princess, Mini-Machine, is potty training. And at the rate she's going, will be potty trained before Mini-Ziggy. I don't know what has gotten into the child, he's as lazy as can be about going to the potty. Mini-Machine? She freaked out the other night because she'd gotten out of the bathtub, and didn't make it to the potty in time, and wet herself a little. Poor little thing was all upset, too, crying like crazy. Her personality has really come out more in the last few weeks. She's a spunky little thing, and is just so cute. She has charmed one of Ziggy's co-workers. From Day 1, she's walked up to him and demanded he hold her, and he complies. It's so funny. She is all over him any time she sees him, like she's known him all her life. His wife and I joke that a cute blonde is after her husband.

Sassy Chassy

My sister is pregnant, as I've mentioned before. But apparently things aren't going as well as anyone would hope. Apparently she has a huge fibroid on her uterus, and one of the docs was a real ass about it. That one told her that she's never going to carry the baby to full term, and never should have concieved in the first place. On top of that, he told her that if they treat her for the fibroid, she'll miscarry anyways, and have to have a full hysterectomy regardless. So she's suitably freaked out. And I hate it for her, and I wish I could help her. Pregnancy is crazy enough when it's a normal pregnancy, complications only stress people out even more.

So she goes back to the doctor today, and I gave her some questions to ask, so that she has some idea of what to expect, and what her options may be. I am hoping that things go as well as they possibly can, and she can have a healthy baby. She really wants this baby, and I know she would positively go to pieces if she ends up losing it.

Update

Car is here, but have to do a mountain of paperwork to get it and to drive it.

2 finals down, and I can't wait til the end of the semester.

I can't find the blocks for Ziggy's quilt, and it's really starting to bug me.

Personal best

I ran a 5k this morning, and I must say, all my running has been paying off. I ran the last 5k in 38:05, and today, I ran in 34:19. I feel awesome, not nearly as winded, not nearly as tired......feels great, in fact.

Weight and running

Well, I have begun running more often, and it seems to be paying off. I finally broke the 160 mark, which had been rather difficult for me so far. I weigh 157lbs. Next stop, 150..........go me!

Looking to the Sky

As of Friday, there will be tv service in our house!! YAY!!!!!!! I will be so grateful not to watch the same Disney DVD over and over anymore. I ordered our box and service from Sky yesterday, and I get to see most of all my favorties, Histroy channel, the kids get Nickelodeon, Ziggy gets his sports. The only thing I don't think we get is Food network, and I'll miss the Iron Chef America show.

Trying to get regular classwork caught up so I can concentrate on finals in a week or so. I'd really like to do better on these finals than I did last semester. I have 54 credits left, and my oldest brother thinks I should go for my Master's. After I finish my Bachelor's, I'm going to need a break. I don't know if I want my Master's or not.

Running

I've been doing more running, and it's feeling better. Did 2.7 miles the other evening in 30:30, and that last half of it was all uphill, so I feel pretty good about myself with that..

School is hectic, as always. I am almost hoping that I don't go to classes this summer (if my financial aid doesn't come in), so I can have a break. It's been pretty intense this semester.

I have an online stalker, ugh. No matter what I say, I cant' shake this guy. More to come.

Creepy fans and frustration

My writing alter ego has managed to gather some fans, I suppose. Usually when I'm asked for pictures and other personal items like that, I refuse, because, quite honestly my writing pseudonym is a persona, not as whole personality....It's an aspect of me, not all of me, and I guess not everyone sees that. But anyways, bottom line is this, someone found me. As in found my house, and showed up on my doorstep last week. Which was ok until yesterday, when this person sat outside my house for a while, waiting for me to walk outside. CREEPY!

Frustration.....I'm currently in a situation where I've previously chafed under certain things taking place, but now it's just gotten incredibly uncomfortable. I won't go into details, but just want to vent a bit that the frustration keeps building, and I worry that when it reaches the breaking point, it will get ugly, and quite honestly I'd rather head that type of thing off at the pass, and save myself any further frustration, if possible.