Marriage advice

In the spirit of CrazyGirl eloping, I offer to the masses my own marriage advice.....or atleast things that I have been told by others that have been married longer than I have:

1. From my mother, who has been married to Daddy for almost 57 years.....Never hang wallpaper with your spouse.

2. For wives, keep a HDD(Husband Discipline Device, i.e. marble rolling pin) in the kitchen, in plain view, and regardless of whether or not you actually use it in cooking.

3. Communicate, communicate, communicate....even if you know that you are going to totally botch what you are trying to say. Keep trying, it's bound to come out right sooner or later.

4. Girls, be a woman and put the toilet seat down your own self. You're a grown woman, and it takes longer to bitch about it than it does to actually do it.

5. Spend quality time together, not doing any kind of housework or home improvement.

6. No name calling in arguments.

7. Try to stay calm during an argument. I know, I know, hard to do.....but try anyways. May save you alot of trouble later.

8. Make an occassion of birthdays. Note I didn't say make a big deal. It doesn't have to be everyone showing up for a party. A simple card to the one having the birthday can be perfectly acceptable, reminding them that you remembered...

9. Be supportive of each other and your dreams.

10. Once people marry, lots of them forget how to be friends with each other. This is a fundamental thing. Because after a couple kids and a long day at work, passion is not the easiest thing to bring about. Passion is passing. Friendship can stand the test of time.

11. Do not, under ANY circumstances, marry to cover up something in the past. It will eventually resurface and blow things to hell.

12. Arguments will happen. You will not always agree with your spouse. This is NOT a sign that the marriage is in trouble. It's a sign that two people don't agree and need to talk out the issue and reach a reasonable conclusion.

13. Try not to fight over petty things. Marriage is hard enough without creating extra drama.

14. This one comes from the movie Forces of Nature....whenever you feel stressed out with your spouse, that they are grating your nerves and running you absolutely bonkers, keep in mind that at some point, they are dealing with the exact same feelings about you. It helps keep things in perspective.

15. Keep holding hands in public. I know, sounds rather silly, right? Believe me, after a while of being married, people stop doing the little things like that. They become roommates rather than long term lovers.

16. Try to take an interest in one of your spouse's hobbies. Even a minor interest can be better than total ignorance.

17. Work as a team. This comes from my experiences in having to work with Ziggy while AT WORK. Ziggy and I have only had to work directly with each other a handful of times(being as we're military, it's not allowed, but in this instance, it was a rare happenstance. We were the two that had the most experience, so we had to do the job), but we have a certain formula when we have to do it. Decide what the plan is, and then follow through it.

18. Do not try to change your spouse completely. Softening the rough edges, I can understand(and sympathize with). But to change who they are is just wrong. And remember, they are always thinking that there is something that could be changed about you as well.

19. Do not lose your self identity in your marriage. I am Mrs. Ziggy, yes. But I have my own interests, tastes and hobbies that are seperate from Ziggy. Being married doesn't mean that you have to assume a new identity, nor that you must be someone you are not. It just means that you have another hat to wear.

20. Something to remember in marriage, and it comes from the movie Shall We Dance(the Richard Gere/J. Lo flick).......in getting married, you are, essentially, saying that you will bear witness to someone's life. You will notice the small things that thrill and excite them, and remember them. You will know what they go through for different goals in life, because you have committed to be there for it. You will celebrate semmingly small victories with them because you have committed to them that it will matter to you. I agree that when you recite vows in the ceremony, it all sounds like alot of things you never think you'll ever do...but the bottom line is that you are promising to be there for them through it all....the good, the bad and the ugly. Big things and little things.

I think that'll do it for now......Congratulations, CrazyGirl!!!