My self esteem

At what point, when failing at everything possible, do you give up and change what you're doing?

Looking over my life, I see my parents always telling me I'd never be good at or for anything. After so long of hearing that, regardless of the truth in it, a person is going to start believing it. Luck hasn't been on my side in a number of ventures before I joined the military, and I honestly believed that the military would be all that it promised. That was problem number 1, believing the recruiting propaganda. After nearly 5 and a half years of being screwed by my loving Uncle Sam, it would seem that my parents words still ring true, and I am unable, it seems, to shake the whole situation. Granted, there have been some minor victories, but nothing to impress. Looking through my military record, I can honestly say that the only part of it that I am remotely proud of is that I served in Operation Iraqi Freedom. The rest of it could be sealed forever and I wouldn't shed a tear over it, embarrassing as it is. Ever heard the phrase 'shutting the barn door after the horse has run away'? Well, that's a rather decent description of my career in the US Air Force.

At what point do you stop fighting all the crap that is being piled on you, and give up caring about it anymore? How do you get out from under it all? And moreso, how do you shore up the walls of your emotions now that you've been shaken down to the very foundations of your self esteem? I've gotten to the point that my time in the Air Force has taken so much out of my self confidence that I begin to look around me at other aspects of my life and wonder if I'll ever do anything well again, or complete a task I have set for myself. Now all I see for myself is abject failure....

I get the idea that Ziggy has no high opinion of me as a troop, that kind of goes without saying in words. I think he's bright enough to know better than to voice that out loud, particularly to my face.

So what happens if I don't get into the nursing program at my college? Then what do I do? Because then I will have gone to school for 2 years with little to nothing to show for it, as the degree wouldn't be finished. I don't know what else I'd do, as I have wanted to be a nurse for the better part of 10 years, and not much else has captured my interest. Ziggy keeps talking positive about things, and I can't help but see more gloom that good in the whole situation.