AFeskimo's World

The things we think, but do not say

2011-12-06T18:53:00.001-05:00

I am told that I have a way with words. My mother told me I had a gift for using words to express what people think and feel. People who know my writing say I have talent for writing, for story telling. All my life I have wanted one thing; to be a writer.

When I was 16 I began dating the person that would become the father of my oldest child. We were together for nearly 3 years (1 month shy of it actually, so I round up) before he told me he didn't know what else to do, except to break up with me. It broke my 19 year old heart utterly, and it remained that way for a very long time. Sure, I grew up, had other loves, even got married, but I never let anyone as close to me as I had let my high school sweetheart. I went through my divorce, and was saddened that I had failed as a wife and a woman.

I met Ziggy. My husband is very many things, he wears very many hats, and I literally woke up one morning knowing I loved him. I haven't stopped loving him since that day. One night, and I don't recall how the conversation started, I wound up pouring out my hearts pain over losing what I had considered to be the love of my life, my high school sweetheart. And being the gracious man that he is, Ziggy very calmly held me in his lap and let me cry myself into exhaustion. I am not a public mourner, I do not show saddness publicly. I wasn't raised to show such things. I was raised to bury it, and I had buried that pain for a long time until that night.

A few days ago I was on yahoo talking to my 'twin brother from another mother', we'll call him Dutch. And Dutch and I are twins in the way we were raised about emotions. And Dutch says to me, "Why can't you tell Ziggy he's the love of your life?" And something in my head clicked when he said it, and I realized that never, in the course of my marriage and courtship with Ziggy, had I told him he was the love of my life. That after 9 years, I'd finally gotten to the point that I could let someone be to me what my son's father had been. Me, who has a alleged talent for words, a gift for expressing things, could not voice my deepest feelings for Ziggy, for the simple fact that if I did, somehow, I'd lose him as I'd lost the last one I'd felt that about. Dutch, by the way, is fabulous at pinpointing what I don't say and then nailing me with it. One of the reasons I value his friendship.

So the thing I think but do not say. I even bungled telling Ziggy he's the love of my life. Which means, of course, that my worse fears will soon be realized, Ziggy will discover I'm not really that interesting, and will leave me for a redhead that looks like Alyssa Milano, cooks like Rachel Ray and spouts off SportsCenter highlights in bed.

And I will learn to keep my damned mouth shut.

So here I am

2011-11-20T05:53:00.002-05:00

I finally got the reset to this account. I have to figure out how to link this with my Google account so I can get to it easier.

So, lots going on. Moving in February, which I am looking forward to. 3 years was plenty here, 4 is too much, I think. We are supposed to move to Wyoming, if all the paperwork goes through. I just hope that doesn't take too long, I can't stand to be kept in suspense.

I stop working 16 December, the day of Ziggy's Christmas party. I can hardly contain my excitement. the environment I work in is tense most of the time, hostile in varying degrees. I am ready to be done there.

I started 2 graduate programs, yes I am a glutton for academic punishment.

So a few months ago, I was having wine with some girlfriends, and we were all telling stories about our husbands (4 women, 6 bottles of wine, do the math, lol). And I told a story I instantly regretted telling. I still regret it. It was about Ziggy, and I think he knows I told that story, as the event that it was about, hasn't happened since that day. I'm not a complete fool, and I know my husband that well, at least. I can't take it back, and I am exceptionally embarrassed to the point I can't begin to apologize to Ziggy. But I feel horrible about it.

So BullRder, I am still here, if you are still reading...

2011 is NOT my year.......

2011-02-15T16:13:00.002-05:00

Well, they say that bad things happen in sets of 3, and if that's true (And it's sure living up to that so far), then I've already hit my quota of bad happening to me for the whole of the year.

I count my mother's death as the first one. The second would be the suicide of my favorite uncle. The third is probably a far worse blow to me than the second.

The words 'Napalm Gel' bring anything to mind? Yea, well, Google it....or the Anarchist Handbook. I should NEVER know what the recipe is for Napalm Gel, nor the name of the 'cookbook' that holds the recipe for it. And yet, here I am, knowing what both of those things are. Ignorance REALLY is bliss.

The story that brings such knowledge to yours truly is a sordid one, I'd have to say. And it's told with a great deal of sardonic irony, sarcasm, and humor. I'm told it's bloody hilarious. Believe me, it wasn't so funny as it was happening to me. And yet, I digress..

Picture it, January 24, 2011, a lovely clear, sunny, cold, crisp day in Eastern England. My oldest child's 15th birthday. I walk to work, as we have only one car, and Ziggy takes Her Highess the Princess MiniMachine to daycare in it. Well, I am walking out of the building I work in, when I see the figure of my oldest child sprinting across the parking lot towards me. The thoughts going through my head are of teh general birthday variety. He's running towards me because he got something cool for his birthday, a great grade on an exam (it was examsweek at the high school), ANYTHING except what he said to me.

Fire. In my house. Yea, not what I was thinking was going to come out of his mouth. I did the motherly thing of freaking out promptly. My next actions I have been ridiculed and condemned for. I called 911. Comments as to my taking that act have ranged from 'Don't you love your son? Why would you call 911?' to 'Damn, you're a mean mother!' with a 'If there were parental controls on his computer, this wouldn't have happened.' thrown in for good measure. We'll get to my reaction to that last one a little later.

So I called 911, and was told that the fire trucks would be on their way to my house immediately. My son is rambling his version (we'll get to the truth later) as we are speed walking, then running to the house in order to beat the fire trucks to the door. The Deputy Fire Chief, bless him, had only been on station a total of 3 weeks, and looked like he was old enough to be my son's classmate at school. Literally. Anywho, the story my son has told me is that something caught fire in his room, on the floor, randomly. I was born at night, but it wasn't last night. Well, the fire department on base didn't buy that line of bull either. (Mom, 1 point.....kid, -20) They take him upstairs and show him the marks on the floor, the residue of the fire extingusher and they tell him....you're fulla crap, and we know it. They give him the opportunity to change his tune. He sticks with his random combustion story. For now.

Well, we go outside and look at the items that were on fire, and in the garbage bin. The fire guys go to leave and the kid looks at me and says, 'Mom, you promise not to beat me?' Yea, how'd I know that was coming????? So I ask him what he lit on fire. And the words Napalm Gel enter my vocabulary. Apparently he'd googled it, set out to build it, and it went horribly wrong horribly fast. He assembled the ingredients in a cookie tin he'd gotten from Christmas and lit the contents on fire, seeking the find out how the 'gel' was made. It caught flame rather quick, grew rapidly and then he went to get the fire extinguisher and put it out. Then he took the items down to the garbage bin, and aired out the house. The carpet in his room was burned, as was the ironing board.

At that point I demand he go tell the deputy fire chief this information. And then ensues the madness that has been my last 3 weeks. The British have graciously decided not to prosecute him for bombmaking. However the base that Ziggy is assigned to is doing a review to setermine whether or not to ban him fromt he base, and kick him out of the country. I half hope they do it.

Meanwhile the kid is now Ziggy's personal bitch. And he's even slacking at that. He appears to have no comprehension of what he's done, nor the consequences. as evidenced by his tweaking of the actions he took (while thinking out loud in front of a British cop that's recording his utterances, I might add). Yea.....not helping the image there, kid.

So, yea.....it's been an eventful few weeks.

Conversely, I picked up a book at the shoppette the other day that had my attention as soon as I read the title. See, I'd heard utterances of the military dabbling into the psychic research, and other paranormal type things, but had never read anything was considered legitimate. I dig the paranormal, by the way. Not so much the aliens side of stuff, but the remote viewing, psychic ability, clairvyant stuff I lap up like milk. Love it. Why? Well....I don't know any of you well enough to tell you that, sorry. Hell, Ziggy looks at me like I have 3 heads whenever it's mentioned, so I tend to keep quiet. But just know I get into it. It's by Major Edward A Dames, he's a retired Army military intelligence officer (legit creds to me) and well, it's called "Tell Me What You See". A real page turner. I'm loving it. So toss that onto your reading stack, courtesy of yours truly.

Bullrder, I hope you're still reading. And I hope you'll understand the reason for my lacking post over the last few weeks. I am trying to do better. But yea...it's been busy.

Bull Rider

2011-01-22T10:35:00.002-05:00

Yes, it's been ages since I updated this. And Bull rider2 keeps looking for an update, so I'm sure sure it's time I gave him one (I'm assuming it's a guy).

So....since July...well, I can say this....my job is underpaid. Really and truly, the requirements for being able to hold this job. And really and truly, that's pretty typical, in my experience, for the government. I'd have to say that atleast the lower 7 grades of the GS system aren't anything that you really have to have alot of higher education to perform. High school education, willingness to put up with BS(that's a high priority), and an overwhelming capacity to deal with more than the job description entails...yep, that's a government job. Maybe I should have been a contracted position. Not all the same perks, but hell, the pay is fabulous.

So my September sucked immeasurably. As in my mother died 5 September. She had a heart attack in the garage, and the best that they could determine was that Daddy (Alzheimer's mute) tried to help her..the phone was left off the hook, there were indications in the house that Daddy had been knocking things over, etc...so they think that Daddy tried to help her, but in his capacity, he couldn't. So I had to come back to the US for that. And believe me, putting up with my older brothers and my sister in law was not the best thing I wanted to do right after my mother died.

So to Georgia I went. And from the get-go, my brothers were off and running about treating me like I was 14 all over again....don't tell her the full story about Mom (like that was going to make it any better that she'd died? Yea, smart brothers I have)...they got upset that I wasn't 'properly' reacting to my mother's death by crying all day, going through her stuff, talking to my Daddy, otherwise making a complete ass of myself in front of the family. Totally not my style, frankly. I am not a public mourner. Never have been. However, I will say that I cried like a baby at her funeral, and for good reason. The handkerchief that my sister in law handed me on the way into the church had been my Daddy's, and Daddy always has a handkerchief in his pocket. I cried and cried during that service, listening to people talk about my mother, and how wonderful she was. People I hadn't seen in 25 years showed up to celebrate my mother's life, and to mourn her loss. And just when it looks like they're gonna leave me alone????????

I get the 'I don't know you and I don't approve of your life and the way you live it' speech from my brother. Yea...way to encourage me to get to know you...and by 'get to know' my brother means that he'll approve of me and my family if we toe the line he prefers. Um, new flash, I'm 33 years old, I can make my own decisions and do as I please. Yea, he didn't like it much when I said that to him, either.

I mourn my mother's death, believe me, I do. Any time I talk to one of my sisters in law, however, I get the whole 'I dreamed about your mother and she gave me a hug and said to bring you back to church' speech. After the last time she started that on facebook, my husband deleted her off my friends list for making me cry.

October passed, so did November and December...nothing crazy, really.......and then January happened. My beloved favorite Uncle killed himself. Let me tell you it's been a shit 6 months.

So here I am, sitting at 13 months from moving again. Graduated from college. Hating my job, but it's security for pay when I get back to the US. I'm sorry this post isn't my usual wit filled entry, BullRider... My head is a little all over the place..I'll reorganize and come back..

Thursday July 29

2010-07-29T10:59:00.002-04:00

So it's Thursday. And work seems to have levelled out in regards to amount of stress that is coming down. All of this will change next week, as it's the beginning of the month and people will need appointments and the books will re-open. So more stress coming next week, happy happy joy joy.

On the job front, I am waiting to find out if I am being selected for another job here on base. I would be doing what security functions I did when I was in my last year on active duty, and the pay is better, less stress, etc etc. I really hope I get it. I will miss the people at the clinic here, but I am trying to set myself up for a good position when we PCS back to the States, and this is a stepping stone to that.

The opportunity to go to OTS has surfaced again, and I think I will decline. I really do feel that for me, and the family, life is greener for me on the outside of the Air Force.

I have a story I was writing....and the characters were voluntarily in the story, but hating what I was trying to get them to do. They didn't like it. Didn't like the flow of the scenarios, told me it was unnatural for them. So I said, ok, if I scrap this, can we start over with a different way to tell the story of what happens with you three? They agreed. So I'll try again. Soon.

On a lighter, more personal note, sometimes happiness comes along and surprises you. People come in and out of our lives regularly, especially those of us who are affiliated with the military. Some folks become a more permanent part of our lives, and for those I am always grateful. A'yo Ak'Nashki. I'm pretty sure I butchered that, but I think the jist of it will get across....

So it's a week later

2010-07-12T01:54:00.001-04:00

And my car still hasn't been towed back to Mildenhall Village. UGH. Drives me crazy the lack of speed that the British have. I need things out of my car! Bring it back and decide what the inusrance company is going to do with it!!

GAAAAA....makes me a bit nuts.

60 days

2010-06-28T16:54:00.002-04:00

Alright, I've been on the job for 60 days. Ok, almost 60 days. And wow is about all I can say as to the experience.

Let's say that life on the other side of the blue suit (in the civilian world working for the Air Force) is much greener than wearing the suit again. I don't have to drink the so-called koolaid that the military has to swallow, which is nice. I don't have to stay at work til all hours because someone screwed something up and we are all being punished for the sins of the few.

No, life on the other side is better....sure, there's still the headaches of micro-management, but if you stare at the PC like you're really busy with work, that annoying person will walk away when they aren't being paid any attention.

So what's a girl do when she gets the job with the agency she's wanted to work for? She starts looking for the next step....and yes, I am on the lookout for the next job...trying to set myself up for a good position when I get back to the US in a year and a half...

So I'm writing more, sewing more, and otherwise enjoying not being a college student...

Graduation was good....I had Macaroni Grill twice, which is all to the good, as I love eating there. Now, it's been over a month since I officially graduated from college ( I love the term Alumnus), and I STILL don't have my degree in hand. Am I aggravated? Oh hell yea......I WANT MY DEGREE!!!!!!!!

Alright.....I'm off. More to come, as always.

What dreams may come

2010-04-14T12:16:00.002-04:00

Well, first off, since the Air Force is currently overmanned....I can't apply for OTS.

I started my job this week. I work at the dental clinic on base. And sure enough, on my second day, I meet Ms. You Took My Job. Apparently she'd applied for this same position (she's a contractor and a veteran) and I got it rather than her, and well, let's say she pointed it out to me. Rudely? Maybe a little. But I've been known to fight fire with fire. So I casually point out to her that I was told at my interview that I was guaranteed the job unless I refused it. Sure, that might have been playing a little dirty. But you know what? I didn't really care at that point in time.

So far, the job is semi-interesting, if not a bit monotonous. But since I don't have computer access right now, there's not a whole lot that I can do. It's fine, because there's a whole boatload of in processing that I have to do now that I'm a federal employee. Fun. but hey, it's decent money, good benefits, and pretty good job security...can't complain about that in these economic times, huh?

My graduation is in a couple weeks, and OMG am I ready to be over with it so I can hang the blasted degree on the wall!

In response

2010-02-24T04:40:00.002-05:00

Why would I want to do it? I see Officer's Training as a challenge, much like I view a half marathon.

Would my husband get out if I went back as an officer? No, not until he's done with his 20 years. Why, given the point that the AF frowns on O/E marriages? Let me explain the context of which the Air Force frowns on those marriages. Generally the AF frowns on those marriages because they are entered into AFTER one of the spouses is already an officer, indicating a prior relationship (frowned on even more, I know people it happened to, my own brother included). I am already married to an enlisted man prior to taking a commission....so by the Air Force's standard, no 'inappropriate' relatio0nship exsists in that context, as I am married before getting a commission.

Why go back since my prior stint sucked? One theory? Make it better the second go around. I know more now than I did then, I can wait to get a job I prefer rather than just blundering along as I did the first time. The majority of my unhappiness in the military revolved around the fact I didn't like my job, nor did I excel at it. If I go back, I'd change that primarily.

Nothing is written in stone, it's not defined that I'm going back in. I'm asking questions, of recruiteres (if they'd answer the phone that is), and people I know who are officers, as well as senior enlisteds, who have worked with officers and know the difference between a straight commissioned officer with no prior military experience, and a prior enlisted officer. I'm weighing options, considering all the information. We'll see what happens...

Thanks for your input guys, you are the reason I still post here...

Wild idea

2010-02-22T16:38:00.001-05:00

So help me, I've been thinking of going back into the Air Force as an officer........

End of an era

2010-02-05T12:12:00.002-05:00

I am done with my Bachelor's degree. I got my last grade today. MY degree progress report is full of zeros in the part where 'remaining credits' is at. I will GRADUATE May 9. It's been interesting not having homework.....I like it...

Supposed to start my job sometime this year, if AFPC gets off their butts.....must not want me to work for them that badly huh????

Ziggy gets home next week, YAY!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm writing more.....

More to come

So......

2010-01-09T11:15:00.002-05:00

Well, contrary to popular belief, I AM still around.....I've just been really really busy. Seriously.

The last time I updated was about 6 months ago, before I went back to the US for a while. Wow, so much has happened.....

First off, 3 and a half weeks in Georgia with my parents. Yea....not so much. My Dad didn't recognize most of us, which sucked. He gets stressed easily when thigns aren't 'normal' for him, and so us in the house threw him off. My mom doesn't see this, I swear the woman is in denial, which is kinda understandable. So the kids and I did ALOT of travelling. As in AVIS will probably never rent me a car again...I put 3000 miles on a car in 3 WEEKS. Yea, I'm all for unlimited mileage when I rent a car. Went to see Other while I was there, he requested my presence before he left for war climates. The only reason I mention this is because of the instance that took place on the way there. I'm whipping down the highway, making fabulous time on my way to South Carolina, when I get pulled over. Crap. I'm not gonna lie, I was speeding. Did I care when the cop asked? Not too much. well, to make a kinda boring story short, come to find out, VDOT (in their infinite wisdom) cancelled my driver's license. I had sent proof of living overseas so I could have address exemption on my license. Rather than giving me the exemption, the asshats cancelled my license. THanks to the ticket, I found out. The REALLY funny part about this is that the State Trooper that pulled me over was supposed to arrest me for driving without a license. Which he was kind enough NOT to do.

As if the ticket wasn't enough, I got rearended in North Carolina, at a stoplight. In a rental car. Could my trip get ANY better??????? Of course......

I do not speak to my biological mother. For good reason, too. Threatening to hunt down your daughter and kill her and her whole family tends to dampen family relations. ANywho, I went to see my grandmother, at the beach. She takes the boys out for some fun at the amusement park, while I stay home and write a paper. The doorbell rings, and I open the door. To see my biological mother standing there with her idiotic boyfriend grinning like a cheshire cat. I slammed the door and went on about my business.

My time in Washington, although busy as hell, was the highlight of my summer in the US. School kept me busy, and so did training for my half marathon. I was there for 2 weeks when Ziggy got there. My half marathon.......

Let me state first off that I HATE flying. Abhor it. Loathe flying with every fiber of my being. NOT AFRAID of it......I just hate it. This being said, there is no intercontinental rail system, so therefore I cannot ban myself from flying. I took a flight to Las Vegas from Portland. And after that landing, I will NEVER EVER NEVER fly into Las Vegas again. EVER. I had vomit in the back of my throat when we hit the ground, it was THAT bumpy of a landing. The poor Chinese lady sitting next to me couldn't speak English, but she was nice enough not to yell at me for nearly hurling all over her. The worst part of my trip to Vegas was over....I got to the hotel, checked in, and went to eat at a restaurant in Circus Circus that was supposed to be the best steak on the strip. Not so much.

The race. The Extraterrestrial Full Moon half marathon was freaking awesome!!!!!!!! My goal was 3 hours. I didn't hit that, but I was able to finish and walk around afterwards without dying as soon as I crossed the finish line. I finished in 3 hours, 15 minutes. I was pretty proud of myself (I still am). Great event, lots of people, but it was so well planned that you felt like family. The scenery....let me tell you about the scenery. You get bussed out to the 'Black mailbox', dropped off, and you run back into Rachel, NV, to the Alienn Inn, for breakfast. Full moon.....bit chilly, but once you were moving, it wasn't bad. Along mile 4, I started talking to a guy who'd had a friend that worked at Area 51, which was somewhere off to our left as we were running. We chatted for a few miles, and went our seperate ways. at mile 7.7, the grade finally went downhill. It was a steady incline until that point. THe desert is gorgeous, the moon was great, and my head lamp made it to mile 11. At mile 11.5, my legs started protesting heavily. Mile 13.1, I was so glad it was over....but it was great. I enjoyed it so much, I ran one at Windsor castle a little over a month later.

Vegas on the whole, was nice. I can now say I've been there. the best part of the trip, other than the race, was the Titanic exhibit at the Luxor hotel. OMG. I adore everything Titanic. The exhibit was great, but the piece that they had on display last was worth the horrible plane ride into Vegas. It was known as the 'Big Piece'.....a section of the hull of Titanic, hanging from a crane, in this huge room. I coulda passed out right then and there. I stood there, open-mouthed at the closest thing I would EVER get to being at the Titanic. The only time I've ever had that feeling of awe at history was when I was standing at the grave of Elizabeth I of England.

As soon as I got back to Washington, it was full wedding madness as my SIL got married. Fun time, but busy busy busy.

I got back to the UK in time for the boys to start school....and I went back to school. And then we moved into base housing, and I love my new house.

I am currently in my last 2 classes for my degree. I will be done in a couple weeks, and I can't wait. I graduate in May. YAY!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, I think that's enough of an update for now........

So my update

2009-06-19T08:47:00.002-04:00

Yea, I've left this hanging for a while. I apologize. School and such has had priority over my blog life.

Running. Well, it seems that my running has plateaued out my fitness, despite the fact my allergies are waging war on me. So I think I need to step up the speed work. Over the weekend, I was running at RAF Mildenhall, and kicked it into gear to where I was doing sub-9 minute mile times. I wasn't holding it for very long, but it was impressive for me to see that. So I think I may have to get off the treadmill with my speed work. Which is ok, I suppose. I would rather run outside that on a treadmill anyways. Am I gonna finish this half marathon to which I have commited myself? One way or another, yes.

School. Only one class this summer. recent American history, from World War 2, forward. Have I mentioned my loathing for American history? No? Well, now I have. I loathe American history. Yes, sounds rather unpatriotic. But it is me, and I am patriotic, dammit.

Laundry. Well, the laundry is working because I am getting ready to start packing for my sojourn back to the US for the summer. I just dread security and flying. I ahte that part. I'm just ready to get this trip going.

We'll see what happens

Yorktowntop

2009-06-04T10:37:00.002-04:00

Yes, I am still in the UK.........half marathon hasn't happened yet, it's in August. I'm still training for it, though. I just want to finish vertically.

I need to write on here more......will do that again in a few hours

WHat was I thinking?

2009-04-25T17:27:00.003-04:00

The number 13 doesn't normally strike fear into my heart the way that it would with others. Not a number to be afraid of in my family. Why? Well, my brother was born on Friday the 13th. 13 has always been lucky for the Neals. So I signed up for a half marathon. It's the E.T. Half Marathon. Run on the E.T. Highway, outside of (where else?) Area 51 in Nevada. Seriously, how cool does this event sound (it's run at midnight because it's Iraq-hot during the day)??? Aliens...midnight...top secret squirrel shit happening over your shoulder...get the idea? So to get the 'full' experience, I signed up for the event that starts at the 'Black mailbox'. Yea, the place where folks meet to watch for UFO's over Groom Lake in Nevada. Hey, if you're gonna go to the E.T. running events, might as well get the full experience, right, START AT THE BLACK MAILBOX. And the event that starts at the 'Black Mailbox' is the half marathon.

Did you catch those two words?? HALF MARATHON. Meaning 13.1 miles. Half of 26.2 miles. 13 M-I-L-E-S. We're talking 2 2/2 to 3 hours of abject agony on my body. Because I wanted the full alien experience, and signed up, paid money to run 13.1 miles. WTF was I thinking? I am now terrified of the number 13. 6 miles, I got. 7 I can do (painfully, but I can do it). Why did I think I could pull off 13?????

Let me take you back to Balad AB, Iraq, 4 years ago. Me, running my first 5k, cursing Paul the whole way. And now I dare aspire to 13 miles? Surely I am Icarus flitting around the sky, right? I've been training, but I dread my days I run long distances. I am terrified of anything over 7 miles now....why? Who knows, but I'd say mostly fear of failing miserably.

Well, here goes nothing

2009-01-03T15:31:00.002-05:00

So I've had this story knocking around my head for a while, and I think it could be a novel. So I started writing it. May eventually look into getting an agent and seeing if I can get it published. So, here goes nothing.

Year in Review

2008-12-31T11:52:00.002-05:00

Well, being as it's New Year's Eve, it's time for my year in review. I look back on this last year and am in awe of the changes that have taken place.

For anyone who doesn't know, Viriginia was not a good place for Ziggy and I to be. Virginia, and the atmosphere of where we worked, along with several other factors, nearly ended our marriage. This is how 2008 started for me. Stressed and strained marriage, getting ready to move across the world. So what did I do for New Years 2008? Went to Washington State with the little people. We were gone for nearly a month.

February brought things to a head between us, literally 48 hours before we got on a plane to move to England. So we moved.

Living in England has done wonders for us and our marriage. School is going well for me, Joseph's doing good, and the little people are doing well. We have really worked on things between us, and gotten ourselves back to where we were before we moved to Virginia.

So what does 2009 hold? For starters, I will graduate from college with my Bachelor's degree. MiniZiggy will start school (thank God!). We will pay off the truck. I will run my first half marathon. Things are good now. And we are working to keep them that way. As for everything else, we'll see what happens.....

Brandy and Woot

2008-10-25T08:39:00.001-04:00

I no longer have your email addresses. Please drop me a message at afeskimo@yahoo.com

My birthday

2008-09-01T19:33:00.002-04:00

1 September is my birthday. And not even my closest friends remembered. Granted, I live in a different country, but in this world of internet and electronic mail, you'd think I'd get messages from those I've always held dear. But no, I didn't.

Really puts perspective on where I rate with these folks, doesn't it? Saves me stamps for others' cards.....

No longer a doormat

2008-08-25T04:18:00.002-04:00

There are people in this world that demand rather high standards for how people treat them, while they have no concept of treating anyone else any better than dirt. Rather than using communication to get through a conflict, they'd rather bitch at others and make them feel like crap until the other person changes their behavior to more acceptable. Well, I'm not taking the crap anymore.
I require being treated with the same respect and consideration that others demand for themselves. Friendship cannot be built without mutual respect. I refuse to be a doormat to anyone. I also refuse to be anyone's punching bag.

I am a human being, an adult, and I demand to be treated with respect if anyone is planning to be a friend of mine. You will afford me the same courtesies that you require for yourself. You will treat me the same way you want to be treated. I require adult communication, not adolescent sulking when you don't get your way.
Comply or get the fuck out.

Oh yea!!

2008-08-23T07:12:00.002-04:00

Finals are over, and I am enjoying some much needed time off from school. Feels good to recharge and not worry about classes or deadlines for a bit.

My car is officially registered, so I can now consider myself completely moved and adjusted to England. YAY!!!!

Scout starts back to school Monday, I am soooo glad.

MiniZiggy is making good progress on potty training, which is very encouraging. MiniMachine does well enough for a 2 year old, I don't expect her to achieve perfection at just 2 years old. She's so funny when she goes in the bathroom to potty, she has a little song that she has to sing when she pulls her pull-up down, and one for when she pulls it back up. So funny!!!

Her birthday is Wednesday, and next weekend is her party. I can hardly wait, it's going to be so cute with the party stuff I bought her!!!...

Oh please

2008-08-22T04:31:00.002-04:00

It just runs me batty when people want to be self-righteous and hypocritical. For instance, I've got this friend that dated a woman who was married for the better part of the 3 or so years they were together. And yet if I jokingly flirt with him, I get admonished that I'm a married woman and should behave. WTF?!?! Who the hell are you to judge me?? Get real...

Free at Last!

2008-08-16T21:26:00.003-04:00

It's 2:26AM and I have just turned in my latest and LAST paper for this semester--YAY!!! Happy dance has officially commenced. 11 sources, 15 pages, plus bibliography and endnotes. It counts 40% of my grade in the class. Now all I have to do is muddle through finals, and I can breathe easier.....

An update

2008-08-11T20:53:00.002-04:00

Wow, it's been a while.

School, I have to say, has me dragging my feet, and I am at the end of a very crucial semester. I really need to make good in these 3 classes, so that I can continue to attend school and finish this blasted degree. I took on took much in the first semester, and now I am paying the price for it. It caught me up, believe me. I am learning patience. I have one huge paper du next week, and I haven't started writing it. But I will tomorrow. Procrastination has been a big problem since learning that my financial aid is gone. With regards to school, I feel as though I have a lead weight attached to me, and it's just dragging me down harder and harder as I get closer to the end of the semester. This is bad, of course, because I have to write huge papers that count an awful lot towards my degree. And I REALLY don't want to take these classes again.

Finals are coming up, and believe me, I dread them. I am one of those people that test anxiety just kills. Especially with the study guides that I get. I get these guides for an exam that may not be the version that the guide is written for, and am expected to remember all 50 identifications off the top of my head, in it's entirety, for 3 classes. Yea. Not gonna happen. And it seems that no matter how well I feel I have prepared for the final, it always throws me huge curve balls. The part I dread the most about finals, is teh time after the test has been taken. That dead time between when the test is taken, and when the grade is posted absolutely kills me. I age decades in that time of waiting, I kid you not.

I did rather well Spring semester, 3 B's and a C. Rather respectable, I thought. But my overall GPA is a 1.8, as I failed a class Fall semester. I have to have a 2.0 to get my financial aid back. As long as I'm doing well, I can still take classes, until my GPA goes back over 2.0. That's why these 3 classes are factoring so much into my degree for me (that and I just don't want to take the classes again). I need B's.....pretty badly....

I got sick a few weeks ago, and it threw off my housework schedule. My laundry got behind. I am so behind in general. I feel drained, like I am playing chronic catch-up......only I never seem to get anywhere.

Good grief and a blast from the past

2008-07-07T18:09:00.002-04:00

It's been a long time since I've posted on here. REason being, no one reads this anymore. Why don't I take it down? Excellent question, as the moment I go to do it, someone pipes up and says "Leave it up, I read it!" I'm a sucker, I know.....

I ran a 5k on July 4th, and that was singularly the WORST event I have run in. Never, ever, never should you run through the start/finish HALFWAY through the race!!! This produces mass confusion with the runners! Oh yes, I speak from experience on this!

Blast from the past....Hi John!!!

I just need to vent

2008-05-23T05:33:00.002-04:00

Oh where to start? I don't write much on here anymore, I think the blogging craze has died down. But when I need to vent, this is a good place for it.

There are times when I think I should've stayed in the U.S. Not because of the people in the UK, or antying like that, but because of you. We were fine until I went to Iraq. Then you left. Then we had a baby. Then you pretty well walked away from me emotionally. sexually, you turned into a prude. I told you repeatedly what I needed, and you blew me off. SO I got what I needed, and you got upset. You're running around behind my back trying to ruin whomever I talk to, and I can't imagine why. You think something was stolen from you, and yet you can't tell ME about it. No, you'd prefer to tell anyone else but me about it, though I am the one it concerns. What's that saying? You haven't got the balls to talk to me first about anything, you just run off and do your own thing, like you are all that matters. So what, I got pictures? WHat does it matter? You don't send me pictures. Why drag work into things? I sent you pictures. When will you realize that I am trying to get you to do the same things?

Now when I try to tell you how I feel, you give me this blank look, and you don't say anything back to me except Awww. Don't you know how hard it is for me to tell you how I feel? I wasn't raised to express feelings like that, and only until you came along could I do it and feel comfortable. And now you blow me off. How's that supposed to make me feel? Now I just feel like I'm being left behind, trailed along because I have the kids, like an afterthought.

Who else are you going to attack for sending me pictures? I mean why limit it to one, right? It smacks of Bobby, to be honest. I am unimpressed. Just run off everyone and I'm only yours, right? You're running me off from you, in case you haven't noticed. You don't take hints well, and tell things to you bluntly seems to upset you further, so what am I supposed to do? I get blamed for everything you don't get to do, and I'm sick of it. You don't want me going out to a club, then by damn you don't need to go do it. Fair's fair, right? You spend most of your time keeping up with the guys from work anyways, the games, all that. It doesn't make a damned bit of difference.

Happenings

2008-05-15T02:06:00.002-04:00

My car is here, YAY!!! I took the little people to Asda yesterday (English version of Wal Mart), just to see what was to be seen. Cheaper than shopping on the rest of the economy, I'll say.

Now, I don't proclaim to be the perfect or ideal wife. Far from it. I admit to having been part of the "harem" of a friend of mine. But I can say with all honesty that I am glad those days are over. The friend is still a friend, and better off that way. Part of me thinks that ultimately, that friend wants his past to be known by the one closest to him. Why? Perhaps it is to breathe easier, knowing that things don't have to be hidden anymore. Or maybe to bring the consequences on, knowing that ultimately, they may be the best for everyone. Sometimes it is easier to ask for forgiveness rather than permission, as the saying goes. I don't know what the thought process is, honestly, so I am just speculating. But it is something that has made me wonder for a while now.

I am getting a new sewing machine. It's fancy-shmancy and does the free motion quilting that I have wanted to start doing. Now, if I can just find the blocks to Ziggy's quilt, I'll be all set. Then I can finish Ziggy's quilt, and get going on other projects I have waiting. It will be here on Friday, and it's being delivered from west of London. I got it on an absolute steal, even by US standards, as these machines usually cost double the price.

My princess, Mini-Machine, is potty training. And at the rate she's going, will be potty trained before Mini-Ziggy. I don't know what has gotten into the child, he's as lazy as can be about going to the potty. Mini-Machine? She freaked out the other night because she'd gotten out of the bathtub, and didn't make it to the potty in time, and wet herself a little. Poor little thing was all upset, too, crying like crazy. Her personality has really come out more in the last few weeks. She's a spunky little thing, and is just so cute. She has charmed one of Ziggy's co-workers. From Day 1, she's walked up to him and demanded he hold her, and he complies. It's so funny. She is all over him any time she sees him, like she's known him all her life. His wife and I joke that a cute blonde is after her husband.

Sassy Chassy

2008-05-08T03:09:00.002-04:00

My sister is pregnant, as I've mentioned before. But apparently things aren't going as well as anyone would hope. Apparently she has a huge fibroid on her uterus, and one of the docs was a real ass about it. That one told her that she's never going to carry the baby to full term, and never should have concieved in the first place. On top of that, he told her that if they treat her for the fibroid, she'll miscarry anyways, and have to have a full hysterectomy regardless. So she's suitably freaked out. And I hate it for her, and I wish I could help her. Pregnancy is crazy enough when it's a normal pregnancy, complications only stress people out even more.

So she goes back to the doctor today, and I gave her some questions to ask, so that she has some idea of what to expect, and what her options may be. I am hoping that things go as well as they possibly can, and she can have a healthy baby. She really wants this baby, and I know she would positively go to pieces if she ends up losing it.

Update

2008-05-07T17:18:00.002-04:00

Car is here, but have to do a mountain of paperwork to get it and to drive it.

2 finals down, and I can't wait til the end of the semester.

I can't find the blocks for Ziggy's quilt, and it's really starting to bug me.

Personal best

2008-04-26T07:34:00.001-04:00

I ran a 5k this morning, and I must say, all my running has been paying off. I ran the last 5k in 38:05, and today, I ran in 34:19. I feel awesome, not nearly as winded, not nearly as tired......feels great, in fact.

Weight and running

2008-04-23T03:45:00.001-04:00

Well, I have begun running more often, and it seems to be paying off. I finally broke the 160 mark, which had been rather difficult for me so far. I weigh 157lbs. Next stop, 150..........go me!

Looking to the Sky

2008-04-22T03:04:00.002-04:00

As of Friday, there will be tv service in our house!! YAY!!!!!!! I will be so grateful not to watch the same Disney DVD over and over anymore. I ordered our box and service from Sky yesterday, and I get to see most of all my favorties, Histroy channel, the kids get Nickelodeon, Ziggy gets his sports. The only thing I don't think we get is Food network, and I'll miss the Iron Chef America show.

Trying to get regular classwork caught up so I can concentrate on finals in a week or so. I'd really like to do better on these finals than I did last semester. I have 54 credits left, and my oldest brother thinks I should go for my Master's. After I finish my Bachelor's, I'm going to need a break. I don't know if I want my Master's or not.

Running

2008-04-21T05:52:00.002-04:00

I've been doing more running, and it's feeling better. Did 2.7 miles the other evening in 30:30, and that last half of it was all uphill, so I feel pretty good about myself with that..

School is hectic, as always. I am almost hoping that I don't go to classes this summer (if my financial aid doesn't come in), so I can have a break. It's been pretty intense this semester.

I have an online stalker, ugh. No matter what I say, I cant' shake this guy. More to come.

Creepy fans and frustration

2008-04-16T02:50:00.002-04:00

My writing alter ego has managed to gather some fans, I suppose. Usually when I'm asked for pictures and other personal items like that, I refuse, because, quite honestly my writing pseudonym is a persona, not as whole personality....It's an aspect of me, not all of me, and I guess not everyone sees that. But anyways, bottom line is this, someone found me. As in found my house, and showed up on my doorstep last week. Which was ok until yesterday, when this person sat outside my house for a while, waiting for me to walk outside. CREEPY!

Frustration.....I'm currently in a situation where I've previously chafed under certain things taking place, but now it's just gotten incredibly uncomfortable. I won't go into details, but just want to vent a bit that the frustration keeps building, and I worry that when it reaches the breaking point, it will get ugly, and quite honestly I'd rather head that type of thing off at the pass, and save myself any further frustration, if possible.

Have shoes, will run.....

2008-04-07T10:00:00.001-04:00

I got my new running shoes in the mail today, and training will being in earnest for the Loch Ness 10K. I found a few new events to try around the area I live in, so I'll be doing some of that as well.

Still digging out of boxes.

House is a mess.....trying to clean it, I swear....

Home sweet internet

2008-04-04T08:47:00.003-04:00

Well, the internet has arrived at my house, finally!!! Now I can do homework from the comfort of my own home, YAY!!!!!

This weekend I am going to Wales on a horseback riding trip, ladies only, with the ladies from the base. Should be a good time, I will take lots of pics. It will also be nice to have adult conversation, though I am sure that most of it will revolve around children....

School, all 4 classes, is going fairly well so far. I am trying to do much better this semester than I did last semester.

Ziggy killed the home PC. I have no idea how, but he did it. So we are trying to find everything and bring it back as much as possible.

Still trying to unpack boxes. We are making headway, though. More will be made next week, I am sure.

Well, I'd better get going and finish getting ready for Ziggy to come get me for my trip. Have a good weekend!

Up to date

2008-03-29T17:10:00.002-04:00

I ran a 5K today, and made a new personal best for myself, 38:05. I have entered a 10K in Scotland for this October, running at Loch Ness. So I am going to be training for that. I am also looking for a new pair of running shoes.

We are moved into our house, but don't have internet at home just yet. That's coming this week, I hope.

Kids are doing well, went to doc for check ups, and are doing really well. MiniZiggy is potty training, and is doing pretty well with that.

School is in full swing, and I am doing well so far, go me.....

Littleport, Cambridgeshire

2008-03-10T15:12:00.002-04:00

Will be home sweet home for the next 4 years, as of tomorrow. I won't have internet at home until 17 March, so I won't be emailing as much, sorry.....

My sister is pregnant and I am so excited for her.......

Got a warm fuzzy from a few friends today, thanks, it brightened my day alot, guys......

Eunuch, I miss you dear...there is no one to hash with here!!!!!!!!

Moving

2008-03-01T13:15:00.001-05:00

Our house in Littleport is about ready, so we're going to be getting things together this week to move. I am so glad to be leaving the TLF we have. 3 rooms is killin me.....

My laptop died, so I ordered a charger. Well, it's on backorder. Not fun.

Trying to get things reasonably settled so I can chill out, and get into a routine.

Chuckles and a B

2008-02-27T12:36:00.002-05:00

MiniMachine is 18 months old today, I feel older by the day......

The hair is going away, guys, next week........no longer long, and maybe a different color........

MrSerious, Machine.........I got a phone!

I got a B on my first history paper for the semester, nice booster to the confidence. Go me.....

Chuckles.........Machine will appreciate this.......small jokes with certain people, no matter what the circumstances are, always make me chuckle. And it's a domino effect, the more jokes, the more chuckles, out to total uncontrollable laughter.......

Eunuch, I miss you too dear, sent you some postcards, hope you like them.....

Littleport

2008-02-23T10:07:00.002-05:00

We found a house, YAY!!!!!! In the village of Littleport, which is the birthplace of the father of the name Harley, in Harley-Davidson Motorcycles. Neat, huh? It's brand new, 4 bedrooms, nice kitchen, a 1 car garage with a driveway, a backyard(garden, as they call it here). We won't move in for a couple weeks, but that's ok, I'm just glad we found somewhere to live. Now all I have to do is wait for our stuff to get here. I can't wait to have my own things finally. This living-on-borrowed-stuff is annoying to me.

School is going relatively well. Having to rely on the library and the community center for internet access is a bit trying, but I am managing as well as I can. I had to order a new charger for my laptop, as the one that came with it finally took a poo on me. Ugh.......

School

2008-02-17T11:00:00.002-05:00

So my books that got packed by the movers and had to be reordered came in, and I am currently attempting to keep up with homework. YAY. Can't get a rental car until Tuesday, so I can't take back the shoes that I bought MiniMachine, as only 1 came in the box. Fabulous.

Register Scout for school Tuesday, and he is extrememly reluctant to go. Figures. That whole teen angst thing is kicking in full force it appears.

I am hoping to get a cell phone this week, will update, of course.

Homework calls......

Jolly Olde England

2008-02-14T11:33:00.001-05:00

We made it. Jet lagged, but we are here. All 5 of us, in one piece. I'll post more when I hve more time. Just wanted to check in for the moment.

Medical Mystery

2008-02-11T20:38:00.000-05:00

You know, the sheer ineptitude of the medical records folks at my clinic confounds me. I went in last week, Monday-Tuesday-ish to request my records. I go back today to get them, and miraculously they have no record of my having ever been a patient there. WTF?!?!?!? Last week they were there, this week I'm non-exsistent. Fucking retards.

So Ziggy rented a Ford Edge for our trek to the airport with more baggage than a celebrity. And it's a good thing that his truck isn't here, because he wants one of those Edge's now. Good grief! I hope that he doesn't decide to get another vehicle any time soon. I'd like to pay off some of the things we already have!!!

Apparently the cats have made themselves quite at home at my Gamaw's house. Fat chance she'll let me have them back now. That woman is the Cat Whisperer, I swear.

Now for a child antecdote. I'm at the local Greasy Spoon(Waffle House, and for those who've ever experienced Waffle House food while sober, you know why it's called the Greasy Spoon) and MiniZiggy proclaims that he has to go potty (Good on LilMan for telling Mommy). So I herd him and MiniMachine to the bathroom. Now, getting a 3 year old to pee on command is work enough. Keeping his 18 month old sister out of the way is just more than I can handle at one time. So MiniZiggy is peeing on/in the potty(hey, he went, I'm glad of that alone), and I'm holding him up, as it was a tall potty. MiniMachine is hovering at my side, like always(these kids are WAY too interested in each other's waste production). Suddenly a little hand slips into the stream, and I start screaming at MiniMachine to stop what she's doing. Well, I yelled a little too loud, freaking her out. At which point, she puts the wet hand into her mouth. Yea.......see, I TOLD you these two are WAY too interested in each other's waste production! MiniZiggy has to be present for every diaper change, and requires knowledge of the status of his sister's bowel movements. Like color, severity, etc. WEIRD..........

Movers and packers

2008-02-10T12:36:00.000-05:00

So, after much wrangling, the movers showed up Friday. Did an admirable job of packing up everything in sight. To include my textbooks that I need for classes that are currently happening. Yea, I wasn't thrilled with that. Ziggy managed to rescue most of them, but was unable to locate two of them that I currently need. But, I reordered them(ugh) and they should meet me when I make it to the UK. Hopefully.

The movers come back on Monday, to finish up the loose ends of the things that they didn't take. After that, it's just the clean up of the house, and the waiting game until the flight on Wednesday afternoon.

So, will I miss anything out of Virginia? Hmmm........my friends I have made here, Chan, Eunuch. I'll miss the ability to drive 300 miles and see my grandmother whenever I want. My house, cause well, I love my house. Many thanks to Eunuch for being our writing hand when it comes to the closing! I will miss the crazy folks that I hashed with here. Yes, I will find another group, but the Fort Eustis kennel is my home hash. But as for anything else here? No, not really. I won't miss the idiot drivers, the insane traffic, nor the insane taxes. Breathe and you get taxed in Virginia. It's outrageous. Anyways...

On to the next big thing........On-On

Too good to be true

2008-02-06T09:53:00.001-05:00

I had a feeling that things with moving our household goods was going far too smoothly. Ziggy calls this morning and asks if the movers have come yet for our express shipment. The answer was no. Military movers are generally pretty early, as moving tends to be a long process of packing and toting boxes. So I call over to the folks that set up the move, and I ask a few questions. Come to find out, the move was never officially set up. At this point, I am close to fuming. I call Ziggy and tell him what I was told, and he takes off to try to fix it, as he is the servicemember and can accomplish more than I can. Within an hour, everything is fixed. YAY!!!!

My resolution

2008-02-04T22:14:00.000-05:00

Ok, I know I'm little over a month late for 'New Year's' resolutions, but I'm determined to lose some weight this year, and look nice in clothes that fit. I am going to my best friends' wedding, and I'd like to look nice in a dress rather than fat and dumpy, and worst of all, pregnant.

W00ht

2008-01-31T22:09:00.000-05:00

The email address I have doesn't work anymore, I got a failure notice. Email me at afeskimo@yahoo.com

Current Happenings

2008-01-29T13:43:00.000-05:00

Well, come to find out, I can't take my cats with me to England when I leave. They have to stay here and have some lab work done and some paperork processed before they can head over there. Apparently the UK has some of the hardest rules for bringing pets into the country.

Still trying to get visas and such taken care of. This whole move has been nothing but one big cluster, from the get-go.

My grandmother and sister were here for a couple days, it was great to see them.

Scout turned 12, and I am still looking for him a present......I hate having to wait until payday to get him something.

School is going relatively well, nice change of pace from last semester......

Under Contract

2008-01-23T00:02:00.000-05:00

So the house is under contract. Today is the home inspection. Fabulous.

My sister and Gamaw are coming to see us Sunday. I am looking forward to seeing them.

My best friend is guilt-tripping me about coming to his wedding. I really am going to do my best to go. His fiancee says that I have to be there to stay with him the night before the wedding and give her a break. I love that she is so comfortable with my friendship with Chris that she doesn't mean ANY of that sexually.......that and she likes to see me gag at the idea of sleeping with Chris. I mean he's cute and all, but ICK, that's like incest.......

School starts today. I am awful at writing papers, I swear......must do better......

Our household goods are being packed and taken away 4, 5, and 6 February. Yikes, I have soooo much to go through before I am ready for that!!!!

Today began my time as a stay home mom. Wasn't too bad, except MiniMachine having a total meltdown(she's turning into a little diva, God help me) to go outside and play with her brothers. She was at the closet where we keep coats and shoes, yelling 'hooo!' at me(she wanted her shoes), tears rolling down her cheecks, eyes red which makes the blue stick out even more, the whole 9 yards. I mean she pitched a hissy fit, too........

Still in WA

2008-01-12T14:55:00.000-05:00

We leave for my father in laws house tomorrow. Not something I am looking forward to. My FIL and his gf are very much neat freaks when it comes to the Seigerman family. Not so for the gf's family. She's also rather pushy, trying to make nice with my FIL's kids. I'm dreading this trip.

I got a new tattoo. "Sassy" for my sister, above the inside left ankle.

School starts in a couple weeks, and I must say that I am looking forward to it. My review of my prior education is done, and it has been determined that I lack 58 credits before I am done with my Bachelor's. YAY!!!!! Ziggy is actually contemplating school, which would be useful to him.

Wrote a new story, will transmit for publishing today, hopefully.

Going to the hash with the Inland Empire H3. Should be a good time.

Had an offer on our house, and they couldn't buy it without the closing costs. So we made them choose between closing costs and carpet. And every counter offer they came back with was pushing for carpet. Really grated my nerves. they walked away eventually, and I am kind of glad, actually. the housing market is supposed to be turning up here in a couple months, so who knows what is coming down the line.

On-On.........

Flying with small children

2008-01-03T15:11:00.000-05:00

I went to Iraq in the service of my country. I got through combat take-offs and combat landings without wanting to kill everyone around me. I've been through mortar attacks. And none of that scared me nearly as much as loading MiniZiggy and MiniMachine on a plane and flying cross-country. I was terrified that I was going to be one of those horror stories that you see on tv, the woman that gets kicked off the plane because her children won't stop screaming. I was pretty confident that was going to be me. And it seemed like it was almost true.

Ziggy and I kept MiniZiggy up, thinking that he'd sleep on the way to the airport in DC. Yea, I couldn't have been more wrong. He whined almost the entire 3 and a half hours to Reagan National. Which grated my nerves thin, very quickly. I can't stand it when he whines like that. Runs me nuts and I have no patience for it. Well, we made it to the airport, and MiniZiggy dragged his feet going into the airport. Then, going through security he threw a tantrum, fabulous. So we get to the gate, and we have to wait about an hour before we can board the plane. That's ok, except both MiniZiggy and MiniMachine want to roam around, and in opposite directions from each other, making it difficult for me to keep up with both of them, and keep track of the baggage. MiniMachine was a real trooper, it must be said. She was fabulous up until we got to the bottom of the ramp to the plane, and she had to get out of the stroller, as it was being checked at the plane. Then she freaked out, and I'm still not too sure why. Big tears, pouty lip, little arms stretched out to Mama for comfort. So I was the woman getting on the plane with a 3 year old who was being stubborn, a 16-month-old that's crying and clinging to me, and a car seat. The flight attendants were NOT at all helpful, nor polite.

The first flight wasn't too bad, despite the flight attendants and their lack of help or manners. MiniMachine slept most of the time and MiniZiggy wanted to know what all was going on. I thought he'd flip when the engines started, but he was good. we took off, and all 3 of us were almost instantly asleep.

Thank goodness for the nice folks at the Armed Services Service Center in Minneapolis! They were so helpful, with toys for the kids to amuse themselves with, and hot food for them to eat. Best of all, they escorted me through security so I could get to the gate faster. They were so nice, and so helpful.

The second flight was longer than I had thought, unfortunately. But we made it, with minimal dirty looks from other passengers because the kids didn't want to sit in seats anymore.

I dread doing it again in 2 weeks, on the reverse flight back........

.

All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go......

2007-12-30T21:33:00.001-05:00

Yeaaaaaa, not so much. It's 9:33PM as I type this, and I am supposed to be packing to leave for Washington State with MiniZiggy and MiniMachine. So far, just their suitcase is packed. I never procrastinate like this......I need to download more to my MP3 player for the flight. MiniZiggy is all kinds of getting on my nerves, it's going to be a VERY long flight.

I am resolved to lose 20 pounds, and get as close to finishing my degree as I can. I will also write more letters and stories.

I hate flying. I'm not afraid of it, I just hate doing it. But, it's the fastest way to get places, so I do it.

I don't wanna

2007-12-25T22:18:00.000-05:00

..........go to work tomorrow. I'm enjoying relaxing.

So this is my last week of work. I'm going to miss it. But on the the next thing, right?

My sister in law got engaged today, I am so thrilled for her.

I got my claddagh ring, and the coat I've been wanting for Christmas. YAY!!!

I leave Monday for Washington, and my Mother-in-law has already planned our first trip to the casino. She's scoped out all the newest penny slots for us to play, and I am so excited!

Blah and all randomness

2007-12-21T22:21:00.000-05:00

As I sit here, laptop precariously balanced on my knee and the edge of the couch, I am awash is sadness. Ok, maybe not total sadness. Mostly disappointment. Disappointment with an edge of sadness. I don't recall the last time I felt so disappointed in a friend. my body feels heavy with the weight of the disappointment I feel, and I can't seem to shake the grey fog that surrounds me.

I am to the point that I dread getting messages from that friend, because I feel I have nothing to say. It seems I have lost my voice. Or the ability to voice my observations in a clear manner to others.

The friendship hasn't changed, I don't think. Perhaps I have expected more or too much of that friend. Put on a pedestal, disappointment is inevitable when reality sets in. Hitting in a bit close for me right now.

So next week is Christmas. It hardly seems important, what with school, work, selling the house, and all the normal chaos that happens around here. Taken a bit of a back seat to other things, actually, though we have bought presents and such. My mind still thinks I have time to do things inrelation to Christmas.

New Years Eve I take MiniZiggy and MiniMachine to Washington State by myself. This ought to be interesting. 2 toddlers on a plane ride cross country. What madness have I entered into????

So there are those that believe Ziggy and I have the perfect marriage, and that I have the perfect husband. No marriage is perfect, and neither is any spouse. I am very fortunate in my spouse, however. There are a few women I work with who would love to clone Ziggy for themselves. I am flattered, and have warned them in advance that they would be baseball widows, as Ziggy is such a baseball fan he doesn't notice much else between April and October. They didn't seem bothered a bit by that. I think it's very complimentary to Ziggy that other women wish they had a husband like him. Once they hear him snore, they'll think again, LOL.

Hallelujah!

2007-12-12T20:43:00.000-05:00

My first semester at University of Maryland University College is over, thank the gods!!! My government final was pretty good, I thought. World History up to 1500 made ever cell in my body ache with spent knowledge. I couldn't even form totally coherent sentences with Eunuch, just ask him, as he furnished me with dinner on my way home. Mythology made my hand hurt, as it was a written exam, and I did a hell of a lot of writing!

Next semester starts 23 January. So I now have more time to update my blog, play Mah Jong Solitaire, get ready to move.....

I am planning to go to Washington State with the kids after New Years. I am looking forward to the trip, I love hanging out with my inlaws. And Mason says I may stay as long as I like! Except I have to go to England with him.

I stop work 29 December. I will miss the girls I work with, they are a great bunch. It will be nice not to work for a bit, though I will be busy as hell. I am hoping to get a job working for the Air Force over there, so we'll see how long I stay out of employment.

My Jeep sold. Sniff......

The Casa de Seigerman goes on the market this weekend. Mason and I started painting today. My house looks soooo weird!!!

Alright, off to more painting!!

Cause I enjoy being a girl!

2007-12-04T09:19:00.000-05:00

I made it for Mason's squadron Christmas party. Such a departure from my usual black. I'm going to wear 4" gold heels with it, too.....

Dump

2007-11-23T21:47:00.000-05:00

Work has me busy, when I am supposed to be busy getting rid of crap, painting walls, otherwise preparing to move in 2 months. School has me running like a lunatic as well. I have finals next week, and am looking forward to them like devout Christians look forward to the second coming of Christ. They simply can't get here fast enough. Nor do I have the time to study for them, as I am doing homework that is due right up to the day of the final exam. Can we say cruel and unusual punishment????

I went to the hash last weekend, and had a great time. I plan to go tomorrow, as well. I miss hashing.

Ziggy redid my front flowerbed for me, put down mulch and new boundary, I love it. Too bad I have to sell the house and won't get to benefit from it.

Speaking of selling things, my Jeep is up for sale. I am not thrilled about this, but Ziggy is confident that it needs to go. So I grudgingly let him put it on the For Sale lot at Langley.

The holidays are upon us, and due to the move, all the families want our presences. Yea......not working so well.

I am so looking forward to this move, more so than that to Germany. I can't explain why.

Ok, I think that'll do it for now...

Current goings-on with me......

2007-11-10T23:19:00.001-05:00

Things I am surfing Ebay for:

1. Dress shoes for MiniMachine to wear in Christmas family picture.

2. A Littman Stethescope.

3. Diamond jewelry. Hey, a girl can dream!

4. X-box360 games. Hey, I ain't paying full price, if I can help it!

Things I want to recieve as gifts:

1. A gold Claddagh ring, size 5.5, to be worn on my right hand pinky finger. I want this from Ziggy.

2. New jammies.

3. A Littman stethescope. With great acoustics!!!!!

4. A new Vera Bradley handbag, in that new brown pattern.

5. Vera Wang perfume.

6. Makeup from Sephora. Yes, I've gotten girly.

7. Barnes and Noble gift card.

8. a new mp3 player.

THings that are currently aggravating me:

1. Writing papers for school. Yea.....

2. Paperwork that takes too long to get answers from!

3. Folding laundry

4. Going through crap to get rid of before moving.

5. Finding cute stuff for my daughter to wear that she won't pull out of her hair!

6. WInter clothes for the whole family!!!

7. Selling my Jeep.

Things I'd rather be doing:

1. Watching a movie.

2. Sleeping.

3. Shopping, not buying.

The pleasure of the Gods

2007-11-04T23:24:00.001-05:00

Today the tile gods from Mah Jong Solitaire smiled upon me......I had my best game EVER, beating my all time high score......139, 697. GO ME!!!!!

Over my head

2007-10-29T21:49:00.001-04:00

I think I am in over my head with school. I am trying, but I'm not sure it's working very well. My insurance job is going to have to go by the way side, and soon. This juggling crap is for the birds.

Probably selling my Jeep. Gotta start going through crap and getting rid of stuff and such. Need to start painting the walls in the casa. Ugh. All of this would go on while the holidays are on, right?

Whole, for a bit

2007-10-26T07:13:00.000-04:00

I can't explain it, but I was all giggly and giddy last night. Felt good. Haven't felt completely whole in a LONG time. Not since before I had MiniMachine.......

Here we go again!!!!

2007-10-22T20:22:00.001-04:00

We are moving. Again. This time, to Jolly Old England, a few hours' drive from London. YEY!!!!!! I can't wait!!!!!! We are supposed to report in February.....

More to follow, of course...

Oh wow!!

2007-10-13T23:11:00.000-04:00

I got my grade back for my paper that I wrote for my Government class. I made a 9 out of 11, and my teacher said it was a good first paper!! WHHHHHEEEEEEWWW!!!!! That makes me feel MUCH better!

I wrote a mega-paper for my Mythology class, and it's 300 words shy of the minimum of 1800. Hopefully, that won't bite me too hard in the butt. I feel pretty confident about the Works Cited page, as I looked up all the formats on the internet, and copied the formats. Those are my nemesis, and I feel like I am improving when it comes to writing academic papers.

What a week

2007-10-08T18:33:00.000-04:00

And it's only Monday. Got caught up in a couple classes for the week, got ahead in one, and trying to fix technical problems with the rest. It's enough to make me scream. Really loud.

So, off and running to another busy week. No rest for the weary, I swear, and little time for Ziggy. That's not good, as we rarely don't talk. But things have been really hectic, with no sign of slowing down any time soon.

Got some inside info on getting in with the government as far as being medical goes. Will have to look into it and see how it pans out.

Next semester, not taking 5 classes!!!

mmmmmm.............

2007-10-05T23:49:00.000-04:00

I wrote my first paper for school. Yikes!! I am terrible at writing academic papers, and am terrified that if I miss something, I'll get in trouble for plagarism somehow. So I documented. Like crazy. EVERYTHING. I think. Crossing my fingers and toes, we'll see how it goes......

mmmmmmmm.........I just love how a glass of wine gives you this warm fuzzy comfortable feeling. Like laying in bed with a cup of cappuchino and a good book, or talking the night away with someone close to you. Mmmmmmmm............

Ok, night guys, I have to work tomorrow!!!

Me and my blog, and things I am saying

2007-10-01T19:54:00.001-04:00

I had a coworker tell me that I give too much of myself away. And for whatever reason, that stuck with me. All day I had that kind of churning in the back of my mind. And I started looking at myself, and you know, it's true. I am a pretty giving person. Whether it's the shirt off my back or a piece of my mind, I give pretty freely of both. I know, I know, I gotta watch how much of my mind I give away, or I won't have much left.......anywhooo...

I admit, I have held back when it comes to some people in my life. People who have meant a good bit to me, and for whatever reason, I have reserved things from them. My mother, for example, about religion. I admit, I am chicken-shit when it comes to telling my mom where to get off. This is where Ziggy comes in handy. Ziggy can tell anyone off and not flinch, overthink it, or go from 0 to screaming in under 0.6 seconds. I soooo envy that ability. Like in the movie You've Got Mail, where Tom Hanks is telling Meg Ryan that he wished he could give her all of his zingers and she could be as bad as she wanted. I wish I could borrow that from Ziggy. I would have been at my mother with both barrells blazing yesterday, if I could have had the balls to let rip. Oh, I have more people, believe me.....

My ex-Marine..........yea, if I'd told him what was going on, things would've been very different.

Sadly enough, I put my friend Eunuch into this category. I love Eunuch to death. We have some common interests, and seem a good deal alike, and that may very well be our undoing as friends. Eunuch introduced me to hashing, educated me on beer(though I still am no beer drinker - not Eunuch's fault, either), and otherwise being a good friend with a shoulder to cry on occassionally. I have really enjoyed getting to know Eunuch, but am starting to wonder if the things I hold back from him aren't starting to get in the way a bit. Perhaps I have given too much of myself in a friendship. I have never been in a friendship that was as mutually nutured as my friendship with Eunuch. And yet I feel that perhaps, just maybe, it's just too good to be true that I could have a great friendship with a man without ruining it completely, as I am terribly good at doing. My best friend is not counting in this. I hold back certain parts of myself with Eunuch. I have from the outset. I am a stubborn person, to the core. I tend to not give an inch when it comes to arguments, with the exception of Ziggy. I don't give even a millimeter when it comes to Eunuch. Ziggy has even said he doesn't know if I should. I have always been the one to get walked all over in friendships, and in the last few years I have tried to reverse that trend. I now wonder if I'm not shooting myself in the foot, and should give Eunuch all that he has been asking for from me. It's a quandry, and an impasse as well, it seems.

So without giving details here, I unloaded all that about Eunuch and I. The details don't really matter, I don't think. On the other hand, if I give all that I have held back, thoughts and mmmm, actions, things could change in a way that I'm not willing to deal with.

Rather than end this post on a sad, pensive note, I will throw in some cheer. Speaking of my best friend, Chris Daugherty, I found out tonight that he is ENGAGED!!!!!!!! His girlfriend is great, I met her in April on the big drive from Washington. I think she's a little overwhelmed that I am so stoked for them (I'm a very exuberant person, if you haven't noticed), but hey, if she wasn't good for Chris, he wouldn't be with her. So YAY for Chris and Stephanie!!!!!!!

Well, it's official

2007-10-01T06:13:00.000-04:00

We aren't moving to Germany. Since the medical clinic where we were going is closing, the Air Force opted to keep us at home. Atleast until they decide to send us somewhere else. We are back in the bucket of people to be selected to move. This doesn't really bother me, as long as it's not to Georgia or California.

My mother called yesterday, worried about Scout, because 'you hear so much on the news here(Georgia) about Buddhists getting arrested and violence. I know it's not right for him to believe that. I didn't raise you that way.' At which point, I hung up on her. I am beyond tired of hearing the same things over and over again from her. I have long since lost the patience for dealing with it.

School is running me ragged. I took on too much this semester, but I have to handle it now and get through the best that I can.

I took a second job, much steadier pay. I work in a diet clinic, giving shots, drawing blood. It's nice to be back in the field I loved. I am sure that I will be getting a lecture from my insurance manager, but I don't really care. He has nothing but negative to say most of the time as it is.

BTW, Happy Birthday to Eunuch! His 31st birthday is today!

So.....jealousy

2007-09-26T07:11:00.001-04:00

As I write this, I fail to understand the circumstances bringing out such jealousy in Ziggy. He is currently having a conniption fit. See, a week or so ago, a friend of ours sent me a pic on my cell phone. It didn't come through on my phone, so I looked it up on the net, like the good little web geek I am. Apparently Ziggy found the pic, and no, it wasn't of this guy's face. I tell the guy not to send me pics like that, he agrees, and I figure the situation is handled. What I don't know at the time, is that Ziggy has found the pic on the PC, and is angry about it. He never mentions anything to me about it, either. Well, here we are, a week or so later, and the guy asks me why Ziggy is threatening him over that pic. From what I understand, Ziggy threatened to tell the guy's wife or something. I try to tell Ziggy that he's overreacting, I had handled it and now he's churning it all up again, and so far, it's not seeming to change anything. So yea, I am lost.......Ziggy has never been like this, and I'm lost as to what to do about it. I did what I thought was best and now Ziggy is going wild over it, without having asked me anything. This dredges up memories I'd rather not remember.....

Developments

2007-09-13T16:20:00.000-04:00

Well, well, well.......

We are no closer to knowing if we are going to Germany or not. Still no word. This is crazy, I hate being in limbo.

My manager and I went to a business in Nags Head, NC, and they may actually let us do their benefits. If so, this will be a great money maker for me!!!! Then maybe Ziggy won't be so negative about my job, if I get this.

Also, I am going for a job interview tomorrow. It's a medical job, which may be nice. But I'm not holding my breath. We'll see.

Letting go

2007-09-12T15:31:00.000-04:00

I am always the one to let go last. But I am doing it, finally. All contact with you is going away. It kills me to walk away, but you'll be fine, and so will I. I won't forget, and I hope you don't, either.

Taking a break

2007-09-09T23:39:00.000-04:00

Not from blogging. But the MySpace crowd. I'm just not as into it as others, and I figure that if folks want to keep up with me, there's email, phone and this blog.

The Lunatic Luau, a 13 band rock concert event, is this coming Saturday, and I am so stoked! Ziggy can't make it, so a friend of ours, Dave(guy I did the Mud Run with) is stepping in to be my 'date'. Hinder, Papa Roach, Operator, Tesla, and a bunch more bands will be there. It's going to be a good time.

I really filled my semester up this go around. But I think I can handle it. I haven't been doing as much business, so my time will be filled with school work, and house work.

We are supposed to hear this week, whether we are definitely going to Germany or not. I just wish they would tell us already, this limbo bit is annoying. More to come, of course.

School is in, and my baby is soooo smart!!!!

2007-09-08T22:20:00.000-04:00

Scout comes bouncing in from his first day of middle school, and starts telling me about his day, and about his schedule. I am SOOOO proud of my baby!!!!!! I wish his father could see him!!!!!!! He's in all HONORS classes, and is doing Pre-Algebra in the 6th grade!!!!!!!! My baby is gonna change the world someday!!!!!!!

I started a new college this week. Liking it so far, hating all the administrative crap that goes with it, though.

Well, I am going to make this one rather short.

Vacation and birthday

2007-09-01T19:50:00.001-04:00

So today is my 30th birthday. Doesn't feel much different, I suppose. ABout like 19, I guess. That between age, when you aren't a teen really, but you aren't officially in your 20's, either. Such is 29. So I am glad to say that I have passed that ackward age, and am officially 30. I have been looking forward to 30 for so long, that it almost seems like a null issue. Eh, I made it. I am 30.

MiniMachine turned 1 on 27 August. Yikes. A year went by way faster than with MiniZiggy. I've said it before, and I'll say it again........if you ever want to see time fly, have kids.

Vacation. HA! Another non-item. My mother managed to ruin it rather well. And earlier than I had expected. My mother lit into Scout for believing Buddhism rather than Christianity. Oh, the Holy Rolling really got going, let me tell you! She told him that he's going to burn in hell. She threatened to slap him for refusing to tell her that he loves Jesus( ain't Christian love just PEACEFUL and ACCEPTING???). Yea........not the most pleasant of situations. So Ziggy decides to jump in and deflect my mom off Scout, and onto himself. At this point in time, I walked out of the condo. I try to avoid conflict with my mom, which means that I walk on glass a good bit around her. Well, my mother gets her dander up, and when Mama ain't happy, neither is Daddy. Whether or not he knows what's going on. And to make things even more interesting, my dad (bless his heart, the man is 79 years old, folks) is still about 10 minutes behind the trigger when it comes to keeping up with conversations, since he had his stroke. So, in true form, about a half hour after all the dramatics, my dad catches up, and starts throwing his temper around, causing more tension. Which, of course, Daddy doesn't remember because well, Daddy's old and has earned the right to forget most everything. Well, an hour or so goes by, and my mother declares that she and Daddy are leaving by themselves for dinner. She made a point of saying it was without us, since she's so disgusted and disappointed that she's considering going back to Georgia. And with that, they left. Ziggy and I pack up the kids and our stuff(no small feat, travelling with 3 kids requires a good bit of stuff) and leave for Virginia. I call my mom to tell her where the key to the condo was left, and then she starts in on her lecture. I admit it, freely, I wanted to hear nothing she had to say. So I hand the phone to Ziggy, to deal with the situation, and to say to her, everything that I am too chicken to say. Situations like this are exactly why I love Ziggy. He will lay it all out, in the most blunt of terms, shut up his targets protests, and doesn't care if the other person likes him or what he's said. Me? I care too much, so am much weaker at this. Anyways, I digress. Ziggy promptly tells my mother where to get off, and why. Somehow, things get smoothed over, and we go back to the condo to finish the vacation. THat was Tuesday.

Thursday night, Ziggy and I put the kids to bed, and ask my mom if she minds if we go mini-golfing and get out for a while. She says no, she doesn't mind. Let me remind the reader, THE KIDS ARE IN BED, except for Scout, who can handle himself. Ziggy and I go mini-golfing. And I shot a respectable score, never made it to the max amount of strokes for each hole. Go me. ANywhoo............after mini-golfing, Ziggy and I stop at this little Japanese restaurant to eat, cause we are hungry. We get back, roughly 4 hours after we have left. My mother is up waiting for us(did I mention we are both, as of the time, 29 years old???) and then has the balls not to want to let us in the door. Her reasoning? We 'dumped the kids off with her, to take care of, on HER vacation'. I mentioned that MiniZiggy and MiniMachine were asleep before Ziggy and I went out, right? Good, just checking. Yea, so she rants off about having to stay up to wait for us, etc, etc, thus pissing Ziggy off thoroughly.

Bottom line, Ziggy doesn't want to spent any more time with my parents - ever, if it can be helped.

We also went to the Citadel, to see a parade by the Corps of Cadets there, as my nephew is a student there. Was going great until the skies dropped unending rain on it. No more parade. But I got to see my nephew and my brother and sister in law. That wasn't too unpleasant.

So Scout goes to middle school, starting Tuesday. I start a new college Tuesday, and go back to work. Ugh. We'll see how all this fun adds up and what happens.

That's all for now.....I'm going to start updating this more......

I am resolved

2007-08-22T20:17:00.000-04:00

I am a damned good correspondent, if I may say so myself. I text message a number of people on a daily basis. I initiate the conversations, nine times out of ten. And quite honestly, I feel as though I am being taken for granted. Like others have no need to effort maintenance of chatter, as I will always take care of that.

Well, it's time for a change. I am tired of being the upholder of the various 'friendships' that I text through on my cell phone. I have grown weary of putting more effort into relationships, than I feel is being put in on the other side.

Aside from my dearly beloved, Ziggy, I'll not be texting anyone for a while. Those who truly value my friendship will contact me themselves, and not wait on my instigation. Time for others to put in some effort, and not me doing all the work. Relationships are work, why should friendships be any different?

That is my resolution.

I am sooo sick

2007-08-21T19:43:00.001-04:00

I feel like I was hit by a Mack truck, and them my chest was trampled by elephants. Fabulous, since I am supposed to go on vacation next week.

Still working, though there are days I wonder why.

School starts after Labor day. This ought to be interesting. Hopefully my GI Bill will hurry up.

My birthday is 1 September. I want a party and a massage. Please. I'm going to be 30!!

The power stick brigade

2007-08-15T07:30:00.000-04:00

Every morning, I see older(as in older, I mean atleast 55) people power walking through my neighborhood, carrying a stick. Not a stick from the woods, mind you, but something akin to a weighted bar used for exercises. Is this to beat off the crazies? To add resistence to the workout? I have no idea. But I see it, every day, and they seem awfully happy about it....so it must work, whatever it does.

For Eunuch

2007-08-12T22:30:00.000-04:00

I don't want this to happen again. I want my friend back.

The sand run

2007-08-12T22:28:00.000-04:00

So much for the mud run. More like the sand run. More sand than anything else on that track. I finished a respectable 56 out of 64 in my age group. No pics, though, sorry. Well, maybe, but I don't know when I'll get it.

Gettin' Diiiiirrrtttttttyyyyyy

2007-08-10T17:14:00.001-04:00

Oh yea, baby, Scout and I are off to the races tomorrow........as in the ASYMCA Mud Run. We will be muddy and tired.....I'll post pics.

Oh for crying out loud

2007-08-08T07:28:00.000-04:00

I am soooo over people having hissy fits over me. You aren't my parent, nor my my spouse, so get out of my business and off my back. Mind your own damned business. If this costs me my friendship with Eunuch, oh well. I am, frankly, very tired of having to cater to others.

Let me edit this by saying this entry was written in blind anger. Eunuch's Lady had an issue over my pic on my myspace page. Eunuch asked me to take it down. This whole fiasco deeply angered me. And so I wrote the above entry.

Literotica.com

2007-08-02T22:34:00.000-04:00

I started writing erotica. I write on Literotica.com. My name, as an author, is Titiana Peaks.

Here lately I find myself restless. Bored with life and love. I can't explain why, nor how. Just bored.

I feel so sick

2007-08-01T12:37:00.000-04:00

Other, my soulmate, just told me that because I have 3 kids, I can't ever be with him. This being my soulmate, this hurts. Deeply.

Congratulations Eunuch!

2007-07-29T10:27:00.000-04:00

Eunuch got engaged last night!!! Wedding bells will be ringing for he and his lady fair in the next several months!!!!

Passport papers are handled, just have to get pictures made and the paperwork can be turned in. The paperwork regarding Scout and his hemophilia goes in this week, as well, and hopefully that will be decided soon enough.

I am running in the Armed Services YMCA Mud Run 11 August, wish me luck! 5 miles is going to be havoc on me!!!!

Other is doing well, for the most part. He's having his hert montiored, so hopefully they will get to the bottom of what's going on with him.

Why I went Gothic

2007-07-19T23:42:00.001-04:00

I get asked that question alot, here of late. Why's my hair two different colors, and why do I wear gothic eyeliner? Well kids, gather 'round and get comfy, and I shall explain.......

The answer to the first question is relatively easy. I was in the military for 6 years, and had to follow regulation(with loopholes big enough to drive semi's through, for some people) with regard to hair, makeup, etc. Well, I conformed for 6 years. Time to do what I want with my hair. I've always liked the Rogue look, from XMen, so I decided to wear mine like that as well. On the other hand, if you want a more 'personal' answer, I have only just gotten the confidence to wear my personality on the outside, rather than hide it.

The eyeliner. Gothic, by many standards, de rigeur for the women in my biological family. But for me, it's more of my personality creeping out. For a long time I have always felt the need to compartmentalize my personality, my tastes, etc. Once I got out of the military, and had to define myself all over again, as the military no longer had the control over that, I have been letting myself free. Why Gothic? Because it's what I relate to. I have a deep dark side. I have a wild streak. And they both show in my hair. I guess I just changed my sppearance to look like what's inside....

What I do not to get paid

2007-07-17T13:32:00.000-04:00

Every week, I get this speech from both of my managers, of how I need to be making contacts(either in oerson on over the phone), setting appointments, and writing insurance. Yea........

Well, come to find out, out of 4 agents, only 1 is making any money. The idea that it's not just me, should be a comfort. But isn't, oddly enough. Ziggy is getting more upset by the day with this job. And nothing part time is panning out yet.

So the frustration mounts. Trying to decide if I should just quit working altogether and stay home and get ready to move to Germany.

Other

2007-07-16T21:23:00.000-04:00

Ok, I admit.......I keep up with him in my own non-interfereing way. As in I read his blog on MySpace. He's been having problems sleeping. As in he doesn't sleep. He's been prescribed meds to help him sleep, to no avail. He's been prescribed anti-depressants (God knows why), and no help.

Now they want to send him to a heart doctor. This tells me 2 things. One, that the doc has no clue what to do with him, and keeps pawning him off on others. And two, the caffeine that he seriously cut back on a few years ago, WASN'T the reason he was so wired for sound all the time.

I'm worried now. Not freaky-Oh-My-God-What's-Wrong kind of worried, but the you're-perfectly-healthy-so-why-would-this-be-happening type of worried. Not freaking out. Yet.

I worry about him. I care, therefore I worry. I wanna write him, and I can't. Well, I can, but he won't answer. Or acknowledge the message. Yea. I'm not all about that. So I'll worry in silence....except for the blog.

Progress

2007-07-04T22:53:00.000-04:00

So the realtor was here to talk about selling Casa de Seigerman. THinking of selling it for 220K. We have to paint walls and do a few things here and there, and it may go on the market at the end of July/early August. I don't mind telling you guys that this terrifies me. I love my house. It's home.....or has been for the past 3 years. MiniMachine was brought home to this house. MiniZiggy learned all his firsts in this house. This is where I start having problems dealing with change. I start digging my heels in and resisting everything going on related to a move. Ugh.

MiniMachine(Riley) is trying to pull herself up to a stand now. Totally skipping crawling. Which is fine. She's so pretty, too.........

Ugh. I have so much I need to do.

One more

2007-06-24T21:50:00.000-04:00

I want one more child. This kills what Ziggy's plans are. But I want one more.

Yuck, work

2007-06-22T06:59:00.000-04:00

I put a good bit of effort into my job, and very little pay in return. This is very frustrating, to say the least.

Would you believe that Ziggy brought up the idea of me going back into the military? I was a bit floored at that one. So yea, back on the job hunt, if only to collect unemployment bennies. Something's got to give.

We can only take 2 critters to Germany with us. So Charlie is definitely going, and I am thinking that Bandit may the other one.

I am going to look into property management this week, and see what goes into it, so that maybe just maybe, we won't have to sell our house. Ziggy is looking at it from the opposite direction, and seeing dollar signs from the sale of our home. IF it sells at all. The house a couple doors down took a while to sell. And I dread that happening to us. I am of 2 minds about selling the house, and Ziggy knows it.

MiniMachine was sitting up in her crib this morning when Ziggy went in to wake her. We don't know how long it took her to get that way, but there she was!!! She's getting so big!!

Alright, I am off to get things done today!

Visiting parents

2007-06-18T22:16:00.000-04:00

Yea.........

My parents were in town for Scout's graduation. For once I didn't get lectured on church. That was rather refreshing. But every other hour, it seemed, I got the drill of 'Why doesn't he want to come see me in Georgia?' from my mother. Yea.........grating on the nerves, to say the least.

The visit wasn't too long, we will see them again in August.

Drove through South Carolina and stopped to see my aunt, who's in the hospital in Colombia. Despite a massive stroke, she was talking like her normal self. She may get to go back to her hometown on Friday.

Have to write something about work, and about Eunuch, since it's been rattling around in my head.....

All for now.....

Employment

2007-06-11T22:08:00.000-04:00

This insurance gig sure isn't what it's cracked up to be. I made 73 phone calls today, and made 2 appointments. Yea......those aren't good numbers. I'm going back to the job search.

Don't be fair-weather friends with people, you may need them later.

New job

2007-06-07T06:38:00.000-04:00

So I have my new, nonmilitary job. And my managers have to go with me on appointments, as I am so new I squeak. But they insist on being late. To almost every damned appointment. Where I come from, that's bad business, especially when folks have taken the time to say that they'll see you. Yea........we're going to have issues with that, I can see it already.

And yes, I've voiced that concern/complaint, and was blown off, for the most part.

Ugh.

Uproot and go

2007-05-31T10:02:00.000-04:00

We are moving to Spangdahlem Germany in January.

I started my new job this week, and it's not too bad. I'm getting myself settled, and will be off and running next week. Fun fun fun.

I am going to Georgia next weekend to bring my folks back for Scout's 5th grade graduation. That ought to be fun. Ok, I mean that sooooo sarcastically.

New developments

2007-05-28T21:22:00.000-04:00

Got a job, I start Wednesday. Now I just have to get used to going to the office twice a week. Darn, hard times there. Ziggy is soooo jealous.....

I went and tried on clothes today. Big mistake. Made me feel extremely fat. Gotta do something about that...........

I'm a bit down today......

2007-05-24T20:53:00.000-04:00

Yea. And when I get dow, I miss people. I miss Eunuch, who's in Chicago. I miss Other who's in Kentucky and not speaking so much to me. Brandie is busy. So I am a little bummed. My people are scattered and I'm used to that. But when they don't talk to me, I get all weirded out.

I look pregnant

2007-05-24T11:31:00.000-04:00

I am out at a social funstion for military spouses last night, when a former co-worker of mine walks up to me, rubs my tummy, and asks me if I'm done yet. I ask her what she's talking about. She says she KNOWS I'm pregnant again. I said no, and then sais Fuck You and walked away.

Confirmed by a friend of mine, I look pregnant, despite working out. Fucking peachy

Here Without You and the story behind it

2007-05-22T07:40:00.000-04:00

Here Without You
(Music by Arnold, Roberts & Harrell)

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
All the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreamin' of your face
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight, there's only you and me.
The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go.
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl, there's only you and me.
Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done.
It gets hard but it won't take away my love
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl, there's only you and me

That song is from the band 3 Doors Down. I love it, it's probably one of my all-time favorite songs. I've stopped crying everytime I hear it, but the warm memories that go with it are still there. WHy does this song affect me so much? Now there's a story.....

Way back in the day, that song came out when I was sort of seeing Other. And it fit what was going on rather well. And then I moved to Virginia. More of the same. But my fondest memories of this song have to do with my time in Iraq with Other. Just warm fuzzy feelings.......

Going in circles

2007-05-21T15:27:00.000-04:00

I have pet peeves just like the next person. One of them is when my husband comes home and tries to tell me how to conduct my day. I set my days up to where I know I am getting things handled. I pace myself as much as I can. I can do very well without being told how to do things.

Another of my peeves is being talked to as though I do nothing all day, so therefore I have to be given things to do. Yea. How do you think he has clean clothes to wear everyday, clean dishes to eat off of, etc? Well it's sure as hell NOT the merry maids coming in and doing things. I understand that money is tight. I totally get that. But when I go do things that are FREE, don't bitch at me over it. I am not a homebody. Get used to it. You've known this for 4 and a half years. Oh, and when I apply for work, don't bitch that it's not full time, anything is better than nothing. I am trying. So sit down and shut up.

I got to ride a Harly for the first time this past weekend. My uncle rode up for the weekend, and I got to ride on the back as we went out and did some things with the family. Good times.

School this semester? Well, I may as well have taken classes in person, al lthe time I will be spending at the campus taking tests. This isn't one of my favorite professors, either. Matter of fact, I basically loathe this one, as she talks down to all the students.

Still trying to get GI Bill crap finished, and the whole process would go much better if I wasn't getting pressure from home to hurry up and get money yesterday. Yea.......

Get over it

2007-05-18T08:56:00.000-04:00

I am working on it. Losing Other for a couple months got me over the whole romatically- inclined- towards- him thing. So he tells me he's gotten back together with his ex, and that we are just friends. Like I didn't know that, but ok. So I lay out the ground rules, ala Other himself. No making me talk to the girlfriend. 2 way communication is required. No jerking me around. And as long as he respects my wishes, I will respect his.

But I got over him in the romantic sense. Feels rather liberating....